Kiel95

hmm, i'm loving this already, yay shinshi <3 now then, what others have pointed out a really good things that could help improve your writing... yeah, the tenses are a bit screwed up, but if you get someone to edit before posting, all the better right? You can have someone show you your mistakes and possibly help explain went wrong... so try to find a trustworthy editor, that's always a plus ah yes, and i do believe that he would call shiho Miyano, or Haibara as well... i don't think he'll be able to easily overcome the habit of just using the family name with no honorifics... and he would most likely call her Haibara... just because he's used to it.... even after time it won't exactly to be easy to change what you call someone... oh yes, i just remembered something... when it comes to third person, there are two types... i remember that one was called omniscent... but i forgot the other one (damn me and my forgetfulness) anyways, you could either go by mainly one character, where the reader only knows what they're thinking and not what others are thinking, or you could let the reader know what everyone in the story is thinking (or at least multiple people) so, don't forget to find an editor, and if your trying to make it so they seem a bit closer, i understand! good luck and i can't wait to read more! <3<3<3 SHINSHI-CONAI FTW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hahaha, well, even if you're not conai i usually try to read the stories, but i was mainly put off since it was diary format and you spoke like a little kid from first person point of view... i'm not a huge fan of first person. i prefer third person.... and when dates are put up there i get confused

urgh.. sorry don't like the diary format... and even though it's coming from a little kid... the format put me off.... i could barely read it.. i had to skim sorry... not a huge fan.. especially cuz it isn't conai.. but that isn't the only reason...

nope, never read either of those oh well, i did write a valentines day and halloween fanfic (two seperate ones of course) the valentines day one though, that's a two part, the first part is for the shinrans, if you were an aicon you'd read the first and second part... anyways, good luck in your writings!

glad it's working out for ya i love to write as well (as you might be able to guess from my 'Downfall of the Syndicate' writings.. anyways, good luck in your writings!

hahaha, iz ok most people wouldn't know unless they checked my profile or have seen me say it somewhere

erm... in this case, i'm actually 'the woman' ^^

well, i only read the second part... sorry, not a shinran fan, and since in the beginning you said it could turn aicon (even if you yourself will never believe it) i decided to read only the ending i think it's pretty good... umm ai and hattori being there isn't that random... i mean, they're the only ones who really could understand conan on anything since they're two of hte few people who knows his true identity... well anyways, i loved it, and i intened to dream up a conai ending for this story XD lol anywyas, great job ^^

haha alright XD

practice brings you closer to perfect

kaoko~chan... ok sorry, i just re-read it cuz i'd even forgotten what it was about... but i find the exchange between them off a bit... i feel she should still be all mature, and not act too surprised... like when she gets the room... she should look around without any hint of a smile, then slowly a slight grin spreads across her face as she whispers, "It's not that bad." She isn't the type to have an embarrassing convos with shinichi like that i think she's more likely to smirk and say, "Why Shin~chan, I'm so glad you're my little brother now. You get to call me onee-san now <3" of course she's joking around with him, so she's not in her personality at this moment, other than the fact that she's making fun of him like usual... he should turn a little red at this, but be saved when he gets a call about a case... as he leaves... she sees her family in the night sky or stars... or wherever... and then a tear rolls down her face which she quickly wipes away. then with a face full of resolve, she sets off on her own adventure of a lifetime ^^

you do realise, that if you kill ai and don't make it aicon, i will hunt you down, find you, and burn you alive right? *angelic face with a hidden evil intent*

AICON! I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER IF IT'S AICON!