tengaku squared

I read this, and it has some really good qualities. One thing I would like to suggest, and this one's a bit big and vague: Cut out unnecessary stuff. There are plenty of sentences and words that don't really belong. Here's an example: I would suggest more like this: My second suggestion: More short sentences. I see you're really good at writing long sentences. However, short, concise sentences can get the point across as well. It also hastens the pace. There isn't much need for faster pace here, but keep that in mind.

This is the surefire way. Of course, most people really want to know before it gets to this point.

Mainly focused? I don't think there are any such episodes I know of.

Heard of it, don't have it, don't plan to get it.

You simply turned letters into numbers, so that A = 1, B = 2, and Z = 26. 'Hello DCW' is what you get. And welcome, btw.

It's not exactly the best drawing of Gracia I've seen, but it's a great effort for what I gave you. Oh, and if you needed it, I could've given you some information on her.

Nothing too important. It's not that big of a shift.

Well, first of all, I really don't like all this crossover stuff; it doesn't work at all. Grand Theft Auto and Modern Warfare and Please Teacher and Detective Conan? God no. You've got some significant problems in the grammar section. Mainly, 'as he leave' --> 'as he left', 'make them angered' --> 'make them angry', and stuff like that. I've got a personal issue with lines like these: Both lines have grammar issues, but that's not what I'm concerned about. It's more like asked/said/yelled/etc Character as he/she did something. That messes up the pace a bit. Instead of doing that, try it like this: It's not always a problem, but I like things this way. Also, it's better for the pace. And also, how about this stuff: Do you need the word 'instantaneously' in this sentence? Adverbs should be used sparingly, first of all. Second, I don't think you need to add the word 'instantaneously'. People know that head shot = instant death. I highly suggest you look over what you write, since much of the problems I see can be fixed with a good lookover. In addition, think about most of what I said. I think it can help you.

A: 5/10 S: 5/10

A: 6/10 S: 6/10 (the gifs are a bit annoying)

The winner of a knife in your chest is YOU!

A: 4/10 S: 6/10