Ur worst nightmare
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About Ur worst nightmare
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Eyewitness
- Birthday 11/11/1994
About me
welcome to my corner of hell...enter at your own risk...i will own your soul...eventually...i hate Elmo (he kisses babies!) and orange(the color, fruit, and word (why can't it just rhyme with something))...i plan to one day rule the world...and i am 'friends' with panda456...sorta...sometimes...i don't play video games...or read manga...not at all...and i hate school...well the doing work part of it...
Captain Jocard: Who is this traitor?
Barbossa: Not likely one among us.
Elizabeth Swann: Where's Will?
Jack Sparrow: Not among us.
[scarlett and Giselle are fighting, Jack watches the Pearl sail away]
Jack Sparrow: Ladies, will you please shut it! Listen to me.
[to Giselle]
Jack Sparrow: Yes, I lied to you.
[to Scarlett]
Jack Sparrow: No, I don't love you.
[to Giselle]
Jack Sparrow: Of course it makes you look fat.
[to Scarlett]
Jack Sparrow: I've never been to Brussels.
[to Giselle]
Jack Sparrow: It is pronounced *egregious*.
[to Scarlett]
Jack Sparrow: By the way, no. I've never actually met Pizarro, but I love his pies.
[to both]
Jack Sparrow: And all of this pales to utter insignificance in light of the fact that my ship is once again gone. Savvy?
[Giselle slaps him, Scarlett slaps him, he slaps Gibbs]
Kitty Forman: Have you ever baked a pie before?
Jackie Burkhardt: No, I don't really cook much. I kinda was just hoping to get by on my looks.
Pintel: No one said anything about cold.
Ragetti: I'm sure there must be a good reason for our suffering.
Pintel: Why don't that Obeah woman bring Jack back the same way she brought back Barbossa?
Tia Dalma: Because Barbossa was only dead. Jack Sparrow is taken body and soul to a place not of death, but of punishment, the worst fate a person can bring upon himself stretching on forever. That's what awaits at Davy Jones' locker.
Ragetti: Well, I knew there was a good reason.
Pastor Dave: Ok, Laurie, let's see what you have.
Laurie Forman: [Laurie slowly puts three cards down one at a time while smiling and glaring at Dave]
Pastor Dave: Six... six... six... Oh, well thank you for the wonderful evening! I'll see you at church!
When I see professional clowns, mimes, or people who makes balloon animals, I think of their relatives and how disappointed they must be.
~Jimmy Fallon
Luke: Wait, you need keys.
Jess: No I don't.
[leaves]
Luke: I so don't wanna know why.
Lorelai: Ugh, Rory, my brain is full. It has reached capacity. It's Shea Stadium when the Beatles played. It's cramped and girls are screaming and I think George is fighting with Ringo.
Tourist: Excuse me, I'm so sorry to bother you. Which way is 44th?
Rory: Oh, um, that way.
Tourist: Great, thanks.
Rory: I got asked directions.
Jess: I saw.
Rory: He took me for a native. That's so cool.
Jess: That's very impressive. 44th's the other way.
“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”
Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.--- George Carlin
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat -----Lily Tomlin
Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics. ~Author Unknown
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."…. Charles M Schulz
I want to die like my grandfather, peacefully, in his sleep. Not screaming, like the passengers in his car.--- unknown
Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, "Why me?", then a voice answers "Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up."
Charlie Brown
This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this.
Charlie Brown
Linus Van Pelt: Charlie Brown, you're the only person I know who can take a wonderful season like Christmas and turn it into a problem. Maybe Lucy's right. Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie Browniest.
Buddy: We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.
Buddy: [thinking Miles is an elf] Did you have to borrow a reindeer to get down here?
Miles Finch: Hey, jackweed, I get more action in a week than you've had in your entire life. I've got houses in L.A., Paris and Vail. In each one, a 70 inch plasma screen. So I suggest you wipe that stupid smile off your face before I come over there and SMACK it off! You feeling strong, my friend? Call me elf one more time.
Buddy: [after a pause] He's an angry elf.
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia." -Linus Van Pelt
"One thing I've learned about algebra: don't take it too seriously." - Peppermint Patty
"Classes can ruin your grade average." - Peppermint Patty
"Those who believe in the 'balance of nature' are those who don't get eaten." - Woodstock
"I'm always sure about things that are a matter of opinion" - Peppermint Patty
"Life is easier if you only dread one day at a time" - Charlie Brown
[after Kelso tries in vain to convince the others he had sex with Brooke, she comes to the basement]
Brooke: Kelso, we have to talk about doing it at the Molly Hatchet concert.
Michael Kelso: Just a second, Brooke.
[to Fez]
Michael Kelso: Burn!
[to Eric and Donna]
Michael Kelso: Burn!
[to Hyde]
Michael Kelso: Burn!
[to Jackie]
Michael Kelso: Burn!
[Kelso runs upstairs to the kitchen]
Michael Kelso: [to Kitty] Burn!
[to Red]
Michael Kelso: Burn!
[Kelso runs back downstairs]
Michael Kelso: So, Brooke. What did want to talk about?
Brooke: I just found out I'm pregnant.
Michael Kelso: [defensively] I never touched her!
Michael Kelso: [Michael arrives at the door to pick up Laurie for a date] Hello, Mrs. Forman. I'm here to pick up your daughter for our date.
Steven Hyde: Man, you're dating Laurie?... That's not "going where no man has gone before"; that's going where *every* man has gone before.
Kitty Forman: Steven, it's not nice to be so... truthful.
Steven Hyde: I got busted for possession.
Leo: Join the club.
Steven Hyde: Yeah, thanks.
Leo: No, I mean join the club, man. We meet every Thursday. We're trying to raise money for a field trip to Amsterdam.
[after finding out that Eric kissed another girl]
Donna: Why'd you do it?
Eric: Well, I have it on pretty good authority that I'm a dumbass.
Michael Kelso: Jackie, when you told me to be honest, I decided that I'm gonna be completely honest. I'm going to tell you the truth about everything I've ever lied to you about. I have a list that Hyde helped me put together. Thanks again, Hyde.
Steven Hyde: [grinning] No problem, buddy.
Jackie Burkhardt: Ok, but, why are they here?
Michael Kelso: Well, Hyde helpfully pointed out, that it's not completely honest, unless your friends are allowed to watch.
Red Forman: I'm glad he's in prison for bribery. People like him give a bad name to Republicans.
Eric: Yeah, all the honest ones, like Richard Nixon.
[Everybody moves away from Eric]
Red Forman: What did you just say?
Eric: Uhh... I said Nixon was framed, and Kennedy was a commie?
Red Forman: Damn right.
"I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me."
Hunter S. Thompson
Phoebe:
If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Mae West
He would make a lovely corpse.
Charles Dickens
I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries.
Stephen King
I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.
Robert Benchley
I like children - fried.
W. C. Fields
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Fred Allen
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
Emo Philips
I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.
Dennis Miller
If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.
Quentin Crisp
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
Laurence J. Peter
My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
Emo Philips
My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.
Spike Milligan
Never fight an inanimate object.
P. J. O'Rourke
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
Mel Brooks
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
Albert Einstein
She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it).
Lewis Carroll
Sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.
Lewis Carroll
'The time has come,' the walrus said, 'to talk of many things: of shoes and ships - and sealing wax - of cabbages and kings.'
Lewis Carroll
There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents, and only one for birthday presents, you know.
Lewis Carroll
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
Douglas Adams
The Guide is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate.
Douglas Adams
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
Douglas Adams
I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.
Jerry Seinfeld
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Jerry Seinfeld
Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
Jerry Seinfeld
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
Emo Philips
I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks.
Emo Philips
I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
Emo Philips
In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.
Emo Philips
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
Emo Philips
“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.”
–Elayne Boosler
“USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.”
–David Letterman
“The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. ‘Come on, buddy, let’s go. You get past me, the guy in back of me, he’s got a spoon. Back off. I’ve got the toe clippers right here.”
–Jerry Seinfeld
If I were invited to a dinner party with my characters, I wouldn't show up.
Dr. Seuss
Adults are just obsolete children and the hell with them.
Dr. Seuss
Here's to you and here's to me, and I hope we never disagree. But, if that should ever be, to HELL with you, here's to ME!
Anonymous
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Margaret Mead
A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what’s going on.
William S. Burroughs
Elizabeth Swann: There will come a time when you have a chance to do the right thing.
Jack Sparrow: I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.
Tia Dalma: Land is where you are safe, Jack Sparrow, and so you will carry land with you.
Jack Sparrow: Dirt. This is a jar of dirt.
Tia Dalma: Yes.
Jack Sparrow: ...Is the jar of dirt going to help?
Tia Dalma: If you don't want it, give it back.
Jack Sparrow: [greedily] No!
Tia Dalma: Then it helps.
Jack Sparrow: I have no sympathy for any of you feculent maggots and no more patience to pretend otherwise. Gentlemen, I wash my hand of this weirdness.
Jack Sparrow: Me? I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly... stupid.
Welcome to Fight Club. The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is: you DO NOT talk about Fight Club! Third rule of Fight Club: if someone yells "stop!", goes limp, or taps out, the fight is over. Fourth rule: only two guys to a fight. Fifth rule: one fight at a time, fellas. Sixth rule: the fights are bare knuckle. No shirt, no shoes, no weapons. Seventh rule: fights will go on as long as they have to. And the eighth and final rule: if this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight.
Pepper Potts: Natalie is here!
[stark's notary enters]
Tony Stark: I want one.
Pepper Potts: No...
Harry Potter:He was my mum and dad's best friend. He's a convicted murderer, but he's broken out of wizard prison and he's on the run. He likes to keep in touch with me, though...keep up with news...check if I'm happy...
[pounding a scone]
Ross: Stupid British snack food.
Chandler: Did they teach you that in your anger management class?
Rachel: Hey, just so you know: it's *not* that common, it *doesn't* "happen to every guy, " and it *is* a big deal!
Chandler: [pointing] I *knew* it!
Judy Geller: Well, he better not come by here. He can't see the bride in the wedding dress.
Nora Bing: As I recall, when we got married, I saw the groom in the wedding dress.
Charles Bing: But that was after the wedding. It's not bad luck then.
Nora Bing: Honey, it isn't good luck.
Rachel: Wha... married?
Ross: Well, yeah, I think we should get married!
Rachel: What? Because that's your answer to everything?
Monica: Rach, it's the Visa card people.
Rachel: Oh, God, ask them what they want.
Monica: [on the phone] Could you please tell me what this is in reference to? Yes, hold on.
[to Rachel]
Monica: Um, they say there's been some unusual activity on your account.
Rachel: But I haven't used my card in weeks.
Monica: That is the unusual activity.
Maebe: So, you killed Kitty, huh?
Michael: No, I did not kill Kitty. However, I am going to oblige and answer the nice officer's questions because I am an honest man with no secrets to hide.
[whoops and hollers heard from the conference room]
Michael: And apparently, a fun one. Why don't we go see what's going on in the back, shall we?
Maebe: Were those the last words Kitty ever heard?
George Sr.: [via satellite from prison] Sorry, some of my students are arguing the significance of the shankbone on the seder plate. But we do not - not wag our genitals at one another to make a point.
Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Do you guys know where I could get one of those gold T-shaped pendants?
Michael: That's a cross.
Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Across from where?
Michael: I burned it. Down to the ground.
George Sr.: There was money in that banana stand.
Michael: Well, it's all gone now.
George Sr.: There was $250,000 lining the inside walls of the banana stand.
Michael: What?
George Sr.: Cash, Michael. What the hell did you think I meant when I said...
[strangles Michael]
George Sr.: [yells] There is money... in... the banana stand.
Prison guard: [George Sr. quickly takes his hands off Michael] No Touching.
George Sr.: No touching.
Prison guard: No touching.
Gob: Steve Holt's not my son.
George Michael Bluth: Steve Holt? What, the moron jock?
Gob: That's my son, you pothead.
Tobias Fünke: Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist.
Steve Holt: I've made a huge mistake.
Gob: I know the feeling. I had you. I'm your father, Steve Holt. I can't hide from it any more.
Steve Holt: I won't forget this... Dad.
Gob: [swallows roofie] I will. I will.
Narrator: [Rita enters the house, the family freezes] Michael was concerned that he was caught in a lie about his family. The family was concerned that they were being confronted by a woman they had clubbed, drugged, and left on a bench.
George Michael Bluth: I came to talk to you about the softball game. We need some girls on the team this year.
Michael Bluth: It's a league requirement.
Narrator: One that was difficult to keep, given GOB's behavior in the third inning of last year's game.
[shows GOB lying on top of a woman]
Narrator: And in the fifth.
[shows GOB following one of the female players]
Narrator: Oh, and before the game.
[shows GOB pouring water over the female players]
Michael Bluth: We lost our entire outfield and a couple of court cases.
Michael has found his brother, Gob, hidden in his office]
Michael: One of those British guys came up to me and told me to back off. I can't believe it, but Dad may have been telling the truth. This may be dangerous.
Gob: So you came back here to hide like a child.
Michael: What are you doing locked in my office, exactly?
Gob: Hiding from a child. Big difference.
Michael: Gob, Steve Holt is your son. He probably just feels a connection.
Gob: He doesn't know what he feels. I'm tired of being told - my God. What is this feeling?
[schmaltzy music begins to play]
Michael: You know, the feeling that you're feeling is just what many of us call... a "feeling".
Gob: It's not like envy, or even hungry.
Michael: Could it be love?
Gob: I know what an erection feels like, Michael. No, it's the opposite - it's like my heart is getting hard.
[the music reaches its crescendo]
Gob: Maybe I am ready to be a father.