IdentityUnknown

“Grief is like the ocean: it’s deep and dark and bigger than all of us. And pain is like a thief in the night. Quiet. Persistent. Unfair. Diminished by time and faith and love.”

“The gods envy us. They envy us because we’re mortal, because any moment may be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we’re doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again.”

Dear Anonymous, I got it. Don't die on me. Please. Please. I need you.

Dear Anonymous, I... God I used to be better at this. ~ L

"Sometimes carrying on, just carrying on, is the superhuman achievement."

Ideally, a job I enjoy that is sustainable and a dog. Most likely... ...uh Yeah no let's not think about that.

Wow uh... This has been an interesting conversation. And I think it's good that it's happened. I'll just toss my two cents in and be on my way. Personally, I'd like to take a moment to apologize for any insensitive comments I've ever made about the LGBTQA+ community. I know I have in the past. Those can be forgiven due to my lack of education on the matter during that time, but still. It really all comes down to educating yourself. Though it's getting better, a lot of people have been raised with stereotypes and generalities that do not apply to everyone. I identify as...well, I'm not entirely sure. Demisexual, maybe. Maybe grey-ace. Somewhere along those lines. Who even knows. I don't particularly enjoy labeling myself very specifically. I think places like the U.S. are gradually becoming more accepting towards members of the LGBTQA+ community, which is nice to see. I think I take the stance of "be yourself as long as you're not hurting anyone in the process." Including yourself. Some stuff on religion, since I do think it's relevant though it's also a point people argue a lot on... Yeah that's mostly what I've got to say. It's important to develop an environment that is safe for those who identify as LGBTQA+. It's not just a recent issue; it's been around for years and years and is only just now coming to light. In a perfect world, we would just accept each other and move along. But that's not the world we live in and it is a big issue and we need to start addressing it as a problem so we can work towards solving it and making sure that a lot of the terrible tragedies that have happened don't happen again. That's primarily rooted in education.

"but please because I can’t force you, only hope for you take care of yourself"

Dear Anonymous, ... I'm sorry I keep screwing up. I'm sorry I care. So yeah, maybe I worry too much about you. But you're the type of person who insists they're fine when they're not. You're stubborn and prideful. You never want to show weakness or vulnerability, you keep up a front. You think you're invincible, that nothing's impossible and yeah, maybe yeah, if you put your mind to it yeah, but you don't care if you destroy yourself in the process. You're the type of girl who will ignore a sprained ankle. You're the type of girl who refuses to go see the doctor. You're the type of girl who will pretend and pretend and pretend and guess what I did that, I do that, not the way you do but I get it, I get it, I get it, but do you know how terrible it is to see someone doing that to themselves? Please, just for a moment can you just try to see it from my perspective, how terrible it feels that I sit here and can't do anything, not a single thing to help you? That I'm afraid I'm clingy and overprotective and a worry wart but at the same time, at the same time I love you and care about you and you're my friend and I'm nervous that one day you'll take a chance that's a little too big and you'll end up in a mess that's a little too big and... Maybe I worry too much. You're smart and intelligent and generally know your limits, don't you? I should trust you...I should, and I know you hate it when I worry, but... Please just take care of yourself. ~ a friend ?

“You're not a bad person. You're a very good person who bad things have happened to.”

Dear Anonymous, Stop signing me in gdi. ~ IU

“Edit your life frequently and ruthlessly. It's your masterpiece after all.”

“There are two reasons why people don't talk about things; either it doesn't mean anything to them, or it means everything.”

“People always say that it hurts at night and apparently screaming into your pillow at 3am is the romantic equivalent of being heartbroken. But sometimes it’s 9am on a tuesday morning and you’re standing at the kitchen bench waiting for the toast to pop up And the smell of dusty sunlight and earl grey tea makes you miss him so much you don’t know what to do with your hands.”

Thanks, but as for anything related to depression, I've already reached the end of that tunnel. Just recalling how I felt about it two or three years ago. Stuff happening now is unrelated.

“And you tried to change, didn’t you? Closed your mouth more. Tried to be softer, prettier, less volatile, less awake… You can’t make homes out of human beings. Someone should have already told you that. And if he wants to leave, then let him leave. You are terrifying, and strange, and beautiful. Something not everyone knows how to love.”

Leaving prompts would be a good idea. Even if it's just a couple of random words that come to mind. Here's a drabble I wrote with Chelsea a while back. ~ ~ ~ Prompt: Dance, White, Hall, wing au Close your eyes Dream, once again of that dance One singular dance, one singular night Of white, and black, and black and white I held your hand, you held mine We held each other, close and tight And we danced through that hall We danced through that night Just one dance Just one night Cup your face, press those lips to mine Soft white feathers, silver in the light Falling ...Falling? Falling We fell Together? Together. … And then? And then we had wings no more Word count: 86 ~ ~ ~ But yeah. Prompts are cool. Whether it's a scenario or a couple of random words or an au. Prompt: Savior

“You are allowed to be alive. You are allowed to be somebody different. You are allowed to not say goodbye to anybody or explain a single thing to anyone, ever.”

It's true, after a while you do feel numb. You can smile and laugh but it feels very fleeting. You're not even particularly sad. You'd think someone who goes home and cries would be, but it's not even sadness. It's just very very empty. I feel like something in your life has to change for you to get out of that rut. Either by finding someone to confide in or leaving the situation or finding somewhere happier. I feel like if you just stay still, nothing much happens. But that's just my opinion.

“Remember that you were loved by me and you made my life a happy one and there's no tragedy in that.”

Depression... Depression really sucks. It's not a one day thing or a one week thing (at least, clinical depression isn't). Being depressed for a day or two (as long as you don't do anything rash) isn't out of the ordinary or too terrible. It's bad when it goes on for weeks and weeks and months and months. It's a lot of emptiness. I suppose it's different for everyone. Some people who go around talking about how much life sucks aren't really depressed, they just like to complain. Some people who smile and laugh and greet you cheerfully are depressed. It's really hard to tell. Someone can socialize and talk with friends and go home and give their parents a hug and then retreat to their room, lay down, and burst into tears. And you really don't need a reason to. Often depression is brought on by a particular reason, but as it progresses, I don't think you need a reason at all to continue. The reason why people cut, in my mind, is because at least that's a break from the emptiness. At least you feel something. Even if it's pain. Maybe that's why it's addicting to some. Not sure why I felt like writing this out but...depression isn't simple. It's so often romanticized in our culture and it shouldn't be. It's terrible. It ruins people's lives. Some people are even against people self-diagnosing because they feel like people treat it too lightly. There is a certain thing in our culture about how depressed people write the best or have the greatest stories to tell or how they need to be saved, but no. Depression's really not that simple. Not at all. And you really can't 'save' a depressed person. You can help them, certainly, but you can't save them. They have to save themselves. It's like how you can't force someone to live. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink, et cetera et cetera. So yeah. If you're depressed...find someone you trust. If it lasts for a while, go see a therapist. Listen to music that drowns out your thoughts and breathe. Depression's not simple or easy or romantic. But you can get through it. And if you're the friend of someone with depression...hug them. Listen to them. Don't say much. Really. As long as they can tell you're listening, you shouldn't have to. Just be there. And if you're genuinely scared they'll hurt themselves, call an adult or a helpline.

Christ I have a lot of quotes. I could go on and on for days. “The saddest word in the whole wide world is the word almost. He was almost in love. She was almost good for him. He almost stopped her. She almost waited. He almost lived. They almost made it.”

Dear Anonymous, I've missed you. I've missed you. I was scared. I am scared. Wow I am a sad person. I rely on others too much. I'll try not to screw up. I wonder if things will be the same. Probably not. We'll both tread carefully around each other. For now. Forever? Who knows? But I guess for now, just talking to you again will be okay. I promise...I promise... I don't know what I promise. I guess I promise to try. I can do that much. ~ L

Oop. I know. Sorry. It's one of my preferred places to rant. Not really meant to be depressing towards other people. Sorry for making people worry. In general anything I post in Dear Anon will probably pass and shouldn't be worried over.

Nah. Relationships aren't my thing. Carry on with off-topicness, I'm fine.