Misaki-chan 164 Report post Posted April 30, 2011 .... As many have said, your grammer isn't the greatest, but I think this would be a spendid story if you put a little~ more effort into it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CurbsideGirl 0 Report post Posted May 14, 2011 Well I think, chapter 1 is reminding me to movie "Death at a Funeral". IDK why. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dw5chaosfan 8 Report post Posted May 17, 2011 I will update tonight since I have nothing else to do. Blame my new computer for any issues. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dw5chaosfan 8 Report post Posted May 18, 2011 Sorry, guys change of plans. You have to wait 2 more days since my dad is at home and he is annoying and i want privacy from him. I will also post here more often from then. Every week, you can expect me to tell you now which days I will update. This week will be thursday-saturday, the usual days. I will also not write this on ff.net. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Misaki-chan 164 Report post Posted May 18, 2011 You shouldn't double post... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aeyra 260 Report post Posted May 18, 2011 It's been a long time since an update... I hope you'll keep my tips in mind. Especially detail. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dw5chaosfan 8 Report post Posted May 18, 2011 IMPORTANT! My chapters will be short since my dad will lower my computer time again. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aeyra 260 Report post Posted May 19, 2011 I don't get any writing time on weekdays and I'm still trying to write long. Speed doesn't really matter Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dw5chaosfan 8 Report post Posted May 20, 2011 Here is the update, people. I will do chapters by parts since I usually only get an hour. So here is part 1 of chapter 3. This will not be indented. When they separated, both of their faces were the color of roses. "I love you, Ran." "I love you too, Shinichi." Later, everyine wnet home to rest for the hunt on the boss, the last member of the organization still not behind bars. Ran told everyone else that She will walk Shinichi home since he had hust came out of the hospital. Ran just told Shinichi what is happening in school since he planned to return to school immediately the next day. They also shared a few kisses along the way. When they reached Shinichi's house, Ran helped him clean up the place. There was an entrance to the B.O. headquaters from that house but it was blocked after the members were all captured. When Ran returned home, she found a surprise. Her mother was there, acting as if she was staying again."Okasann, are you really coming back?" Eri simply replied,"yes, for your sake. I am still not getting along with this drunk but I figured that I might as well come back since you need someone more mature than him to raise you for the next 2 years. Theren also needs to be someone to keep this guy from drinking too much." She said after staring at the 3 packages of beer orders canceled. "Fine with me as long as you improve your cooking skills."said Kogoro in responce. Eri gave him a death glare and kogoro just looked away. Ran was happy too see that her mom had FINALLY come back. She thought that things will finally calm down around the place after the entire season chasing the organizaion. And they are. For Now. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Misaki-chan 164 Report post Posted May 20, 2011 Eh..... I may sound mean, but I have to say this. It's not very good. At all. But I'm sure some editing and revising is all it needs! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dw5chaosfan 8 Report post Posted May 20, 2011 I won't be updating tonight, sorry. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aeyra 260 Report post Posted May 21, 2011 Did it take you an hour to write that? *confused* There's a lot of spelling mistakes... Do you run it through spell check? I think you need to make the story clearer... I'm currently rewriting my stories as well and making chapters longer. Perhaps you should do that too. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
