The Lonely Hearts Club

[Cammy3131 20]

Forever... YOU'RE THE BEST!!

hearing-or um reading (you know) was what I really needed.

Right now I'm so thankful for finding this website, I really want to thank you for your words. They really meant something to me and I will treasure your thoughts- I honestly will, because when I have nothing else to fill me... things like this make so much difference.

And I hope you know that whenever you need someone to talk to as well, I'll be here. So thank you for being there for me. : )

[Stopwatch 36]

I think Forever Lost has summed up everything I want to say. Besides, what's this thread for, if not to try and help people...

Everyone here will listen so don't worry about talking about these things and letting it out, I've not really had any experience in anything you've gone through, but I'll listen and try to help when I can...

[hopes 237]

Hm... Geez, we have a school dance this Friday... We slow dance... And I'm not going with anyone... EXCEPT MY FRIENDS.

[TheBlackTac 70]

....

I can't put the official picture of this group.

Seems like a really big problem for me. Ne?

[tengaku squared 291]

ummmmmm... *ponders while fidgety* where should I begin...?

Well... during the very start of the recession 5 years ago... my family lost our house and we were forced to move. My mom lost her job a year later and we couldn't afford the rent in our condo... we then moved to an apartment... and a year later we moved again- and again.... but that doesn't explain it all so let me go through things one by one.

Firstly- Lets start with my birthday... it sucked- but I'm not allowed to complain. I got NOT ONE present for my birthday, my sister didn't wish me happy birthday and went to Prom... Also before she left she made sure to beat the living crap out of me and manage to cancel my sweet sixteen party. And My grandma called me my sister's name (which wasn't as bad as other things-but it still sucks to be referenced with her.) My sister is a very selfish person. For the past 3 years she has ruined every birthday I've had.

My 14th Birthday was ruined when she Blew out the candles on my cake and wished I would die.

My 15th Birthday was when she threw my present out the window and it broke.

My 16th Birthday was ruined when she punched me until my nose was bleeding.

After 2 days when these incidents took place- she acted like nothing happened and she smiled and hugged me. if theat's not Bi-polar... I don't know what is....... -____-

Secondly-I'm moving in about 2 weeks so my mom keeps complaining to me about how everything in her life is turning out bad (note: I've had to listen to her the past 5 years like this) Plus I share a room with my mom, because my sister won't share a room with me... so I haven't had my own room for the past 5 years....

I've moved every year in the past 5 years along with schools... And I finally got to choose the school I wanted this time and my sister keeps F***ing with my subconscious telling me "nobody will like you over at that school for who you are..." yeah- HER EXACT WORDS!

Next- My mom and dad have been divorced since I was 4 and my dad doesn't know anything about me. He doesn't know I like anime- he doesn't care that he's physically abused me when he was drunk. My mom knows I like anime and detective Conan, but she hates when I'm anywhere near it. She rejects it with her entire being and that makes everything harder. My sister too... She hates anime so much. She's a cheerleader by the way- my sister is literally a lying B*tch and she hits me and makes me clean and do things for her. ( and I can't complain or else I'll be beaten up...)

My friend-(She who must not be named)-betrayed me. We got in a fight about how I have no don't do anything and she called me a brat and said I "don't care about anyone but myself" (WELL, IF THAT DIDN'T HIT A NERVE I WOULD SAY I'M EMOTIONLESS!) but she was my best friend.... she called me later saying sorry- I was just stressed... I didn't call back... I was angry, but a few weeks ago I knew I regretted it, so I wrote a heartfelt apology letter and gave it to her. She still never talked to me. When I confronted her, she said she was done with the drama and didn't want anything to do with me.... (I'm seriously holding back tears now...)

Also... My sister sneaks out of the house when my moms at work and I have to hide her secrets or else I'll be abused some more. My mom has no control over my sister... after all my mom is 62 years old and should be retired... My dad is in the National Guard and is always away a camps and military bases (he's also being deployed to Afghanistan this Christmas) So I'm always at home on the Computer. And DCW/writing/reading/watching anime gives me something to do- but my mom and sister hate me for it...

My sister always complains that she hates me and my mom. That she wants nothing to do with us and that we live in a crappy place... WE COULDN'T HELP THAT! She also complained to ME one time that SHE wanted to commit suicide... I didn't say anything of course, but my god did I just want to SCREAM AT HER!!! SHE RUINED MY PERSONALITY! SHE KILLS ME WITH HER PHYSICAL AND MENTAL ABUSE!!! "I hate it here too... but I don't F***ing complain like a B*tch..." That's what I should say.

Oh, yeah and did I mention she hit me with the car one time. She's lucky I didn't break my leg or get a concussion. But what kind of F***ed up person hits their own little sister with a F***ing CAR!?!?

I can't have any opinions with my family anymore... the only friend I could talk to about everything is gone and I'm still abused by my sister-(physically and mentally)... I've also cut my wrist...

Please don't try to say anything about "It will get better!" or "don't let it get to you!" because for 5 years I thought it would get better and tried not to have it get me, But it's not like she's gonna stop abusing me or my friend will come back and say sorry for everything.

Alright-Alright... maybe by some miracle that does happen... it still wouldn't changed what has happened... it wouldn't change anything... I can't just forget about it like I try too...

If you read all of this... I thank you so God-Damn much for being there. I sometimes don't know if I can do it anymore, but only stay because I know I can't kill myself... For some reason I want to-but for some other strange reason I won't...

Thank you Min'na

*raises eyebrow*

Why are you talking to us about this? Even if we can comfort you, we cannot make your situation any better. Get help. You need it. Abuse is not something to be taken lightly. You let it go, you'll die in its grasp. And I know. A few friends committed suicide because of abuse + other factors.

Sorry if I was a tad harsh and lecturing then, it's my nature.

After reading this, you aren't just my rival, I note. You are a fellow comrade that shares my scar. Your story reminds me of mine.

Stay strong.

[Misaki-chan 164]

Edogawa-kun, look through the pages of this thread till you find a link to the pic. You'll need it to put the pic on your sig. Helpful at all?

And Cammy.... Being the age I am, I'm not the best person to give advice for your situation. Not at all. But I fully agree with what Je-chan said. Every word. And I'll listen to you if you ever need someone, because that's what friends are for, right? *hugs* So that's all I really can say... I wish I was older so I could help you more, but I'll-we'll-always be here for you.

[Forever Lost 55]

Forever... YOU'RE THE BEST!!

hearing-or um reading (you know) was what I really needed.

Right now I'm so thankful for finding this website, I really want to thank you for your words. They really meant something to me and I will treasure your thoughts- I honestly will, because when I have nothing else to fill me... things like this make so much difference.

And I hope you know that whenever you need someone to talk to as well, I'll be here. So thank you for being there for me. : )

I'm really glad you found your way here, too. Thank you *hugs*

And what Mohorovicic said is also something you need to think about. (Although personally I think it's fine to talk about it to other people, emotional support is important..) If you can find some way of getting help, some way of getting free from abuse... it'd be your best choice. His words are better than mine though, since he knows what he's talking about. My mom lived in a really abusive household when she was younger... she survived through it until she was old enough and had a job and a safe place to go. I can't counsel you on what to do on that very well >.<

Obviously everyone else here is willing to support you too, dear. I'm glad it meant something to you, really. Gambatte.

[IdentityUnknown 216]

Don't let your stupid sister or mom or dad stop you. You've got to rise above their level. You can't just sit there and wait for the end. That won't help. Even if you're on the right track, you'll still get run over if you're not doing anything. Seek help. Abuse shouldn't be taken lightly. Never commit suicide. The taking of a life, whether it is yours or someone else's, is unforgivable. Prove to yourself that you don't need to depend on her, that your happiness has nothing to do with her. Prove to yourself that you can make friends and keep moving, no matter how many obstacles you face.

Never let go of your identity. It's the very thing that defines you. Even if your voice and opinions go unheard, don't let them fade into the dark. As Forever and Mohorovicic said, we can't do much, but we can give you hope. Remember that we're always here to support you, even if we only know you online.

There are two ways to fight back, one physically and one mentally. Physically wouldn't work in this situation. So do it mentally. Fight back by proving your sister wrong, even if it's just for that satisfying second to smile. Yelling, screaming, punching, and kicking are useless here.

I am absolutely ashamed of your mother and father. I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I am absolutely...ugh.

I'm probably not the best person to ask for advice on this, but still, we're always here to support you, Cammy. And I believe this qualifies for a super and extra long hug. *hugs*

[TheBlackTac 70]

Edogawa-kun, look through the pages of this thread till you find a link to the pic. You'll need it to put the pic on your sig. Helpful at all?

And Cammy.... Being the age I am, I'm not the best person to give advice for your situation. Not at all. But I fully agree with what Je-chan said. Every word. And I'll listen to you if you ever need someone, because that's what friends are for, right? *hugs* So that's all I really can say... I wish I was older so I could help you more, but I'll-we'll-always be here for you.

I have found it! Thank you!

[TheBlackTac 70]

Can i join your conversations?

EDIT: 6:26 PM

Message:

IdentityUnknown is gonna get mad at me again for double posting.

[Cammy3131 20]

*raises eyebrow*

Why are you talking to us about this? Even if we can comfort you, we cannot make your situation any better. Get help. You need it. Abuse is not something to be taken lightly. You let it go, you'll die in its grasp. And I know. A few friends committed suicide because of abuse + other factors.

Sorry if I was a tad harsh and lecturing then, it's my nature.

After reading this, you aren't just my rival, I note. You are a fellow comrade that shares my scar. Your story reminds me of mine.

Stay strong.

I hope you don't mind me saying this back, but 2 years ago I went to a therapist to talk about this... I lied about my suicidal thoughts because I didn't want to be on any drugs, but the therapist said-"you don't need therapy... your sister does..."- I still smile about that today

But I couldn't go back to that therapist anymore, because our insurance wasn't covering for it and we were loosing money... My mom got so complainy. I told her I felt better and didn't need to go anymore. That's why I cant go back to therapy... I just have to work this out on my own. Please understand that.

But I appreciate your support, Rival-or-er...Comrade

Thank you so much!

Don't let your stupid sister or mom or dad stop you. You've got to rise above their level. You can't just sit there and wait for the end. That won't help. Even if you're on the right track, you'll still get run over if you're not doing anything. Seek help. Abuse shouldn't be taken lightly. Never commit suicide. The taking of a life, whether it is yours or someone else's, is unforgivable. Prove to yourself that you don't need to depend on her, that your happiness has nothing to do with her. Prove to yourself that you can make friends and keep moving, no matter how many obstacles you face.

Never let go of your identity. It's the very thing that defines you. Even if your voice and opinions go unheard, don't let them fade into the dark. As Forever and Mohorovicic said, we can't do much, but we can give you hope. Remember that we're always here to support you, even if we only know you online.

There are two ways to fight back, one physically and one mentally. Physically wouldn't work in this situation. So do it mentally. Fight back by proving your sister wrong, even if it's just for that satisfying second to smile. Yelling, screaming, punching, and kicking are useless here.

I am absolutely ashamed of your mother and father. I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I am absolutely...ugh.

I'm probably not the best person to ask for advice on this, but still, we're always here to support you, Cammy. And I believe this qualifies for a super and extra long hug. *hugs

And to IdentityUnknown... I don't want to blame my mom a lot because she's also abused by my sister... My sister has hit her before and called her names... It must be hard on her too, but she thinks when she talks to me about all this it lets all her stress of the moment go... and it might, but mine gets higher... and since my mom is 62 years old SHE'S PRONE TO HAVE HEART ATTACKS! with her blood pressure she could fall down any minute...

she even tells me this and cries... it's like she thinks I have the right answers to everything, but I'm just a kid... I don't know what to do...

Thank you so much for the support ^^ You're awesome!

[Misaki-chan 164]

Edogawa-kun, I'm glad it helped!

[IdentityUnknown 216]

I have found it! Thank you!

Can i join your conversations?

EDIT: 6:26 PM

Message:

IdentityUnknown is gonna get mad at me again for double posting.

I was going to, but since you acknowledged it, I won't.

And to IdentityUnknown... I don't want to blame my mom a lot because she's also abused by my sister... My sister has hit her before and called her names... It must be hard on her too, but she thinks when she talks to me about all this it lets all her stress of the moment go... and it might, but mine gets higher... and since my mom is 62 years old SHE'S PRONE TO HAVE HEART ATTACKS! with her blood pressure she could fall down any minute...

she even tells me this and cries... it's like she thinks I have the right answers to everything, but I'm just a kid... I don't know what to do...

Thank you so much for the support ^^ You're awesome!

Okay, now I think that your sister really needs to...ugh. I would never abuse my little sister.

[Forever Lost 55]

Cammy, you might want to see if there's any free/volunteer counselors nearby. I used to go to one until they left to go to another place. They're professionals but they're volunteering and they don't charge. I was able to go to them for awhile. I would suggest the school counselor, but I never went to my middle school and up counselors because they seemed too busy with everything to just sit and listen. My elementary counselor let me sit in her office all day one time and just cry and talk and do work.. but I doubt they do that in middle school and high school >.>;

[IdentityUnknown 216]

Cammy, you might want to see if there's any free/volunteer counselors nearby. I used to go to one until they left to go to another place. They're professionals but they're volunteering and they don't charge. I was able to go to them for awhile. I would suggest the school counselor, but I never went to my middle school and up counselors because they seemed too busy with everything to just sit and listen. My elementary counselor let me sit in her office all day one time and just cry and talk and do work.. but I doubt they do that in middle school and high school >.>;

My counselor was actually quite kind, she let me raid her room for water bottles and Coke cans for my project.

[Misaki-chan 164]

My school counselor is very nice. She's a favorite adult among the kids at my school.

[Anti-APTX4869 181]

ummmmmm... *ponders while fidgety* where should I begin...?

Well... during the very start of the recession 5 years ago... my family lost our house and we were forced to move. My mom lost her job a year later and we couldn't afford the rent in our condo... we then moved to an apartment... and a year later we moved again- and again.... but that doesn't explain it all so let me go through things one by one.

Firstly- Lets start with my birthday... it sucked- but I'm not allowed to complain. I got NOT ONE present for my birthday, my sister didn't wish me happy birthday and went to Prom... Also before she left she made sure to beat the living crap out of me and manage to cancel my sweet sixteen party. And My grandma called me my sister's name (which wasn't as bad as other things-but it still sucks to be referenced with her.) My sister is a very selfish person. For the past 3 years she has ruined every birthday I've had.

My 14th Birthday was ruined when she Blew out the candles on my cake and wished I would die.

My 15th Birthday was when she threw my present out the window and it broke.

My 16th Birthday was ruined when she punched me until my nose was bleeding.

After 2 days when these incidents took place- she acted like nothing happened and she smiled and hugged me. if theat's not Bi-polar... I don't know what is....... -____-

Secondly-I'm moving in about 2 weeks so my mom keeps complaining to me about how everything in her life is turning out bad (note: I've had to listen to her the past 5 years like this) Plus I share a room with my mom, because my sister won't share a room with me... so I haven't had my own room for the past 5 years....

I've moved every year in the past 5 years along with schools... And I finally got to choose the school I wanted this time and my sister keeps F***ing with my subconscious telling me "nobody will like you over at that school for who you are..." yeah- HER EXACT WORDS!

Next- My mom and dad have been divorced since I was 4 and my dad doesn't know anything about me. He doesn't know I like anime- he doesn't care that he's physically abused me when he was drunk. My mom knows I like anime and detective Conan, but she hates when I'm anywhere near it. She rejects it with her entire being and that makes everything harder. My sister too... She hates anime so much. She's a cheerleader by the way- my sister is literally a lying B*tch and she hits me and makes me clean and do things for her. ( and I can't complain or else I'll be beaten up...)

My friend-(She who must not be named)-betrayed me. We got in a fight about how I have no don't do anything and she called me a brat and said I "don't care about anyone but myself" (WELL, IF THAT DIDN'T HIT A NERVE I WOULD SAY I'M EMOTIONLESS!) but she was my best friend.... she called me later saying sorry- I was just stressed... I didn't call back... I was angry, but a few weeks ago I knew I regretted it, so I wrote a heartfelt apology letter and gave it to her. She still never talked to me. When I confronted her, she said she was done with the drama and didn't want anything to do with me.... (I'm seriously holding back tears now...)

Also... My sister sneaks out of the house when my moms at work and I have to hide her secrets or else I'll be abused some more. My mom has no control over my sister... after all my mom is 62 years old and should be retired... My dad is in the National Guard and is always away a camps and military bases (he's also being deployed to Afghanistan this Christmas) So I'm always at home on the Computer. And DCW/writing/reading/watching anime gives me something to do- but my mom and sister hate me for it...

My sister always complains that she hates me and my mom. That she wants nothing to do with us and that we live in a crappy place... WE COULDN'T HELP THAT! She also complained to ME one time that SHE wanted to commit suicide... I didn't say anything of course, but my god did I just want to SCREAM AT HER!!! SHE RUINED MY PERSONALITY! SHE KILLS ME WITH HER PHYSICAL AND MENTAL ABUSE!!! "I hate it here too... but I don't F***ing complain like a B*tch..." That's what I should say.

Oh, yeah and did I mention she hit me with the car one time. She's lucky I didn't break my leg or get a concussion. But what kind of F***ed up person hits their own little sister with a F***ing CAR!?!?

I can't have any opinions with my family anymore... the only friend I could talk to about everything is gone and I'm still abused by my sister-(physically and mentally)... I've also cut my wrist...

Please don't try to say anything about "It will get better!" or "don't let it get to you!" because for 5 years I thought it would get better and tried not to have it get me, But it's not like she's gonna stop abusing me or my friend will come back and say sorry for everything.

Alright-Alright... maybe by some miracle that does happen... it still wouldn't changed what has happened... it wouldn't change anything... I can't just forget about it like I try too...

If you read all of this... I thank you so God-Damn much for being there. I sometimes don't know if I can do it anymore, but only stay because I know I can't kill myself... For some reason I want to-but for some other strange reason I won't...

Thank you Min'na

Cammy3131, I'm glad you posted this and I am proud.

It's really hard to talk about things like this. People often hide things like this because it hurts too much to remind themselves.

Your story made me cry. I can feel the emotions and your souls that you have put into this story.

I might say something bad, and I don't think I should say it because it hurts my feelings too.

But at the same time, I think it would be guilty of hiding what I feel about your story.

So please understand.... .

First, about the birthday, that's the (one of the) exact reason why I don't like birthdays. I don't usually get anything what I want. It's just what is needed like school supplies, which I give them away later. That kind of thing happened to me a lot of times starting from when I was 4 so I started avoiding my birthdays since I was 8. Trust me, birthdays we see in medias, books, or whatever, are just fantasy where it is telling us it is the best time of your life and such. IT IS NOT. We just have to face the real world, where happiness is the smallest part of our life.

Second, Well, the thing about your sister, how old is she? since you said she 'beat' you before leaving your 16th to go to the prom, I'm assuming she is about 19. You said the your parents divorced when you were four so if your sister was around 7, the thing about divorce between your parents might be the cause of her being a "B" because it may have cause emotional long term stress (via shock of divorce). It is common for a child that is around 6~10 to grow up as a 'bad child' because of an event or conflict they saw or experienced where they grow up. The thing about your sister being abusive can be as similar as you dad, since your dad knows more about your sister than you by about 3 years. And I gotta say, your sister is some troll if she is THAT much of a "B." That is no fun, and I know because I was a troll, but your sister is way beyond past the line. I really hate to say this, but your sister needs help, A BIG ONE. It's true, who will hit their own sister? well, Like I said, it can be the stress and shock she had since her childhood. She needs to let her feelings go, but she is afraid of it. Her aggressive behavior explains that she is in fear of that same event happening again. She might even have nightmares of that event as well.

Third, killing yourself? that won't solve a (excuse me for my language from here.) god damn thing. Looks like your sister don't give a damn thing about your life right? well, let's say you actually killed yourself. Who would mourn over your dead body? Maybe your mother, maybe your father, but would your sister? I don't think so. Don't think about that stupid stuff. Let your feelings go. I know this is very difficult but this is how the damned messed up world is.(excuse my language until here.)

I know I should say something that would cheer you up, but the best way to get away with this is by letting out all of your feelings.

Why would I say this? well, here is my part of story.

I have gone through depression: TWICE.

It seems almost impossible to get through, but you have to realize things that you have forgotten about.

I was in the similar place as you were, where no one would listen to your story.

I had to go through depression alone when I was in Korea, where I had no friends.

The thing 'friends' I had were action figure toys which I talked to most often whenever I got home.

I remember clearly that there were voices of those toys talking to me and actually moving around as if it was alive.

I also often talked to my self and have mood swings.

My parents though I was going insane because of my actions and thoughts.

They soon found out I had similar symptoms as "Psychosis" that is caused by severe psycho-social stress.

I was 8 at the time where I started giving up and rejecting birthdays.

My two older sisters won't talk to me. They would go out and play with things called "friends."

My parents taught me everything up to 6th grade level when I was just 8 at the time because I refused to go to school, where I would get beaten up so bad that I was hospitalized 5 times in first 3 months of my first grade year.

These events are still stuck in my head because of the shock is so intense, and these causes me problems.

All this made me depressed when I was just 8 years old, pretty rare for such young age.

I haven't told anyone at the time because I didn't know what was wrong with me anyways.

I was as silent as a mute person, so I was able to hide my feelings easier and no one found out.

The depression thing ended when I came to U.S. shortly after those event.

When the people were trying to make a conversation with me at school, I panicked thinking that they would beat me up again, but I realized that they showed a thing called 'care' and 'kindness.'

When I realized these beautiful things, I opened my hearts, and let my feelings go.

Second time is different there aren't much to say about this one.

The second time of depression started about a month ago, and ended when I joined DCW.

I was depressed at the time because I was so stressed on one thing too much.

DCW helped me get out of it by showing the 'Joy' in life of social network.

Well, I got carried off there.

If I said anything too cruel, I'm sorry for that.

So don't hold your feelings in, let it out because it is one of the cause of depression.

[Rum 6]

Cammy3131, I'm glad you posted this and I am proud.

It's really hard to talk about things like this. People often hide things like this because it hurts too much to remind themselves.

Your story made me cry. I can feel the emotions and your souls that you have put into this story.

I might say something bad, and I don't think I should say it because it hurts my feelings too.

But at the same time, I think it would be guilty of hiding what I feel about your story.

So please understand.... .

First, about the birthday, that's the (one of the) exact reason why I don't like birthdays. I don't usually get anything what I want. It's just what is needed like school supplies, which I give them away later. That kind of thing happened to me a lot of times starting from when I was 4 so I started avoiding my birthdays since I was 8. Trust me, birthdays we see in medias, books, or whatever, are just fantasy where it is telling us it is the best time of your life and such. IT IS NOT. We just have to face the real world, where happiness is the smallest part of our life.

Second, Well, the thing about your sister, how old is she? since you said she 'beat' you before leaving your 16th to go to the prom, I'm assuming she is about 19. You said the your parents divorced when you were four so if your sister was around 7, the thing about divorce between your parents might be the cause of her being a "B" because it may have cause emotional long term stress (via shock of divorce). It is common for a child that is around 6~10 to grow up as a 'bad child' because of an event or conflict they saw or experienced where they grow up. The thing about your sister being abusive can be as similar as you dad, since your dad knows more about your sister than you by about 3 years. And I gotta say, your sister is some troll if she is THAT much of a "B." That is no fun, and I know because I was a troll, but your sister is way beyond past the line. I really hate to say this, but your sister needs help, A BIG ONE. It's true, who will hit their own sister? well, Like I said, it can be the stress and shock she had since her childhood. She needs to let her feelings go, but she is afraid of it. Her aggressive behavior explains that she is in fear of that same event happening again. She might even have nightmares of that event as well.

Third, killing yourself? that won't solve a (excuse me for my language from here.) god damn thing. Looks like your sister don't give a damn thing about your life right? well, let's say you actually killed yourself. Who would mourn over your dead body? Maybe your mother, maybe your father, but would your sister? I don't think so. Don't think about that stupid stuff. Let your feelings go. I know this is very difficult but this is how the damned messed up world is.(excuse my language until here.)

I know I should say something that would cheer you up, but the best way to get away with this is by letting out all of your feelings.

Why would I say this? well, here is my part of story.

I have gone through depression: TWICE.

It seems almost impossible to get through, but you have to realize things that you have forgotten about.

I was in the similar place as you were, where no one would listen to your story.

I had to go through depression alone when I was in Korea, where I had no friends.

The thing 'friends' I had were action figure toys which I talked to most often whenever I got home.

I remember clearly that there were voices of those toys talking to me and actually moving around as if it was alive.

I also often talked to my self and have mood swings.

My parents though I was going insane because of my actions and thoughts.

They soon found out I had similar symptoms as "Psychosis" that is caused by severe psycho-social stress.

I was 8 at the time where I started giving up and rejecting birthdays.

My two older sisters won't talk to me. They would go out and play with things called "friends."

My parents taught me everything up to 6th grade level when I was just 8 at the time because I refused to go to school, where I would get beaten up so bad that I was hospitalized 5 times in first 3 months of my first grade year.

These events are still stuck in my head because of the shock is so intense, and these causes me problems.

All this made me depressed when I was just 8 years old, pretty rare for such young age.

I haven't told anyone at the time because I didn't know what was wrong with me anyways.

I was as silent as a mute person, so I was able to hide my feelings easier and no one found out.

The depression thing ended when I came to U.S. shortly after those event.

When the people were trying to make a conversation with me at school, I panicked thinking that they would beat me up again, but I realized that they showed a thing called 'care' and 'kindness.'

When I realized these beautiful things, I opened my hearts, and let my feelings go.

Second time is different there aren't much to say about this one.

The second time of depression started about a month ago, and ended when I joined DCW.

I was depressed at the time because I was so stressed on one thing too much.

DCW helped me get out of it by showing the 'Joy' in life of social network.

Well, I got carried off there.

If I said anything too cruel, I'm sorry for that.

So don't hold your feelings in, let it out because it is one of the cause of depression.

I have also read it... I don't know what to say or better keep my mouth shut..

but then I'll say one thing... I was surprised about the killing thing (no no no no), just like what cure kun said it will not solve anything, I grew up in a catholic school and what they always say is not to look at the negative things in your life and see the positive even if you say that your life is full of negative things, there is still a faint positive thing in your life... and also God is always there (are you a christian??) God is there when you need him...

Depression ruins life.. so I think it's best to let your problems out... It's the right thing that you let out your prblems here... it eases your pain if you tell friends...

Then about the sister thing... I really felt her harshness I mean sorry to say but I think she is so bad... she needs some kind of counseling thing... Sorry to say again but she has no respect to others, she has no respect to her own mother who cherished her or who give birth to her... (oh no I'm crying)

Stay strong your friends here in DCW is here to support you.. we can't do anything (sorry) but I think it's best to share with us so that you can ease the pain...

*gives ice cream*

[TheBlackTac 70]

Edogawa-kun, I'm glad it helped!

Thanks a lot! I'll give you a one reputation. It helps a lot. Even in my signature, i succeed to put some of pictures.

I was going to, but since you acknowledged it, I won't.

Okay, now I think that your sister really needs to...ugh. I would never abuse my little sister.

[Cammy3131 20]

Cammy3131, I'm glad you posted this and I am proud.

It's really hard to talk about things like this. People often hide things like this because it hurts too much to remind themselves.

Your story made me cry. I can feel the emotions and your souls that you have put into this story.

I might say something bad, and I don't think I should say it because it hurts my feelings too.

But at the same time, I think it would be guilty of hiding what I feel about your story.

So please understand.... .

First, about the birthday, that's the (one of the) exact reason why I don't like birthdays. I don't usually get anything what I want. It's just what is needed like school supplies, which I give them away later. That kind of thing happened to me a lot of times starting from when I was 4 so I started avoiding my birthdays since I was 8. Trust me, birthdays we see in medias, books, or whatever, are just fantasy where it is telling us it is the best time of your life and such. IT IS NOT. We just have to face the real world, where happiness is the smallest part of our life.

Second, Well, the thing about your sister, how old is she? since you said she 'beat' you before leaving your 16th to go to the prom, I'm assuming she is about 19. You said the your parents divorced when you were four so if your sister was around 7, the thing about divorce between your parents might be the cause of her being a "B" because it may have cause emotional long term stress (via shock of divorce). It is common for a child that is around 6~10 to grow up as a 'bad child' because of an event or conflict they saw or experienced where they grow up. The thing about your sister being abusive can be as similar as you dad, since your dad knows more about your sister than you by about 3 years. And I gotta say, your sister is some troll if she is THAT much of a "B." That is no fun, and I know because I was a troll, but your sister is way beyond past the line. I really hate to say this, but your sister needs help, A BIG ONE. It's true, who will hit their own sister? well, Like I said, it can be the stress and shock she had since her childhood. She needs to let her feelings go, but she is afraid of it. Her aggressive behavior explains that she is in fear of that same event happening again. She might even have nightmares of that event as well.

Third, killing yourself? that won't solve a (excuse me for my language from here.) god damn thing. Looks like your sister don't give a damn thing about your life right? well, let's say you actually killed yourself. Who would mourn over your dead body? Maybe your mother, maybe your father, but would your sister? I don't think so. Don't think about that stupid stuff. Let your feelings go. I know this is very difficult but this is how the damned messed up world is.(excuse my language until here.)

I know I should say something that would cheer you up, but the best way to get away with this is by letting out all of your feelings.

Why would I say this? well, here is my part of story.

I have gone through depression: TWICE.

It seems almost impossible to get through, but you have to realize things that you have forgotten about.

I was in the similar place as you were, where no one would listen to your story.

I had to go through depression alone when I was in Korea, where I had no friends.

The thing 'friends' I had were action figure toys which I talked to most often whenever I got home.

I remember clearly that there were voices of those toys talking to me and actually moving around as if it was alive.

I also often talked to my self and have mood swings.

My parents though I was going insane because of my actions and thoughts.

They soon found out I had similar symptoms as "Psychosis" that is caused by severe psycho-social stress.

I was 8 at the time where I started giving up and rejecting birthdays.

My two older sisters won't talk to me. They would go out and play with things called "friends."

My parents taught me everything up to 6th grade level when I was just 8 at the time because I refused to go to school, where I would get beaten up so bad that I was hospitalized 5 times in first 3 months of my first grade year.

These events are still stuck in my head because of the shock is so intense, and these causes me problems.

All this made me depressed when I was just 8 years old, pretty rare for such young age.

I haven't told anyone at the time because I didn't know what was wrong with me anyways.

I was as silent as a mute person, so I was able to hide my feelings easier and no one found out.

The depression thing ended when I came to U.S. shortly after those event.

When the people were trying to make a conversation with me at school, I panicked thinking that they would beat me up again, but I realized that they showed a thing called 'care' and 'kindness.'

When I realized these beautiful things, I opened my hearts, and let my feelings go.

Second time is different there aren't much to say about this one.

The second time of depression started about a month ago, and ended when I joined DCW.

I was depressed at the time because I was so stressed on one thing too much.

DCW helped me get out of it by showing the 'Joy' in life of social network.

Well, I got carried off there.

If I said anything too cruel, I'm sorry for that.

So don't hold your feelings in, let it out because it is one of the cause of depression.

It wasn't mean, what everyone has been saying to me has really ment something and nothing hurt it actually felt like the gaping hole in my chest was sewing itself back together

I can't even express any words for what you've told me but one giant big hug *HUGS*

I know some people hate being pitied, but I feel bad for you... only because of your past and everything you went through... people don't deserve treatment like that. We weren't ment to be punching bags and neither was any other living thing.

I felt so bitter towards the people that beat you. I know through your explaining that my sister could just be "lashing out" ...but were the people that beat you lashing out too? Everyone has pain, but pain can only bring more pain... (wow...I feel like I'm quoting Naruto... -_____- ...I probably am though *sigh*)

And you're right... the scars and feelings of these things will only remain until you let them go. I just need to dump out all these feelings and grow more from happiness and forgiveness... because maybe then my sister can change by understanding what I've done...

I once again thank you so much for your words and your response... (and for actually reading such a long post...)

If I said anything mean that hit a nerve, sorry about that.

Everyone in DCW is amazing! Thank you Cure-kun ^^

[Misaki-chan 164]

Hey guys, like Cammy and Cure-kun did, may I spill my guts also? Well, as much as I can. I just need to tell someone(s) about my life as of this point. Because, honestly, I tell pretty much no one about my life. I tend to avoid it. But really, I just need a place to put it all in words and I feel this is the place. So may I?

[tengaku squared 291]

I ain't spilling my story. Never, ever, ever. That's final.

Hey guys, like Cammy and Cure-kun did, may I spill my guts also? Well, as much as I can. I just need to tell someone(s) about my life as of this point. Because, honestly, I tell pretty much no one about my life. I tend to avoid it. But really, I just need a place to put it all in words and I feel this is the place. So may I?

Go ahead. I'll listen.

[IdentityUnknown 216]

Go ahead. We're here to listen. I don't have much of a story anyways.

[Misaki-chan 164]

Thank you Moho-kun and Kaichou. It means a lot to me. Now where to start... Well, to kick things off, my sister's autistic. Has nothing to do with my story, but I just felt the need to say it.

My first elementry school was a nice school, I had friends and I was happy, like most naïve children are. When I switched from public school to private school in the 3rd grade, I felt things change. For one, I got bullied by some older kids on my bus for some reason. I still don't know why. Thinking back on it, most likely it was because I was strange. Due to my "unique" personality, most people brushed me off as weird. I had almost no friends my age from there and the few I had I don't keep in contact with. Back then, since this was elementry school, they still played with me, it's just I wasn't their friend. It was also pretty hard to make friends my age because my class was really small, one class per grade, and the new students each year brushed me off as strange and didn't become my friend. They were all nice to me, but I never felt accepted for who I was.

Now for middle school... I switched back to public school and was a bit worried about going there. It was because I was starting out knowing no one. I saw some of my old friends from my first elementry school and it was a bit surprising to me when they weren't the nicest to me, but I brushed it off pretty quickly. After all, people change over the years. I also got to see an old camp friend, a guy, who I hadn't seen in a year or two. With good luck on our side, we ended up in the same academics and homeroom. A couple weeks in, I made a new friend and we got along great. At first, that is. Right after winter break, she told me to stop hanging out with her. I was confused, not having many friends in elementry school, but left her alone. In the meantime, I became friends with two other girls, one of them being Sayuri. But getting back to what I was talking about. Soon, that girl who used to be so nice to me became mean. She started rumors about me and talked about me. She made fun of me. Being the thick skinned person I am, it didn't really bother me. I later realized she wanted to fit in while I was dragging her down, being the way I am, and she cut me loose. After that, I treated her a bit coldly, but I never did what she did. After we stopped being friends, I actually found people who accepted me for me, and became close to them. Like me, they were original and were not clones or cared about popularity. This was just sixth grade.

Seventh grade started off with a bang and I enjoyed it. Since I'm not done with this grade yet, it'll be short. I was still friends with everyone who accepted me and I was really happy. Of course, I got teased, though it never bothered me. After all, to me, words are words. And anyway, they were only opinions, so I didn't care.

Now since my "love life" has been crappy since elementry school, it gets it's own paragraph. So, around the 4th-5th grade, there used to be a boy that I would talk to sometimes because he was really nice. Now my female classmates had the idiotic idea that I "liked" him because I talked to him. When I told them they were wrong, of COURSE they didn't believe me. And when I (stupidly) told some girls in my class who I had a crush on at the time, they smashed that into the dirt by saying there was no way he liked me back. They said it nicer, but that was the message I got. Now for middle school... Oh joy. For about the entire school year of 6th grade, pretty much the entire grade thought I either liked/like/dating/dated two guys I'm friends with. I denied it all because it wasn't true, but like elementry school, they didn't believe me. For 7th grade, I got asked out by this guy who I thought was a douche, so I told him no. Right after my response, he tells me it was for a dare, which strengthen my belief that he was a douche.

So ta da. That's kinda it. So far. Maybe I'll add more when I'm older. If you read this entire thing, thank you. It means a lot to me and here's how much I appreciate it. *big hug*

[IdentityUnknown 216]

Thank you Moho-kun and Kaichou. It means a lot to me. Now where to start... Well, to kick things off, my sister's autistic. Has nothing to do with my story, but I just felt the need to say it.

My first elementry school was a nice school, I had friends and I was happy, like most naïve children are. When I switched from public school to private school in the 3rd grade, I felt things change. For one, I got bullied by some older kids on my bus for some reason. I still don't know why. Thinking back on it, most likely it was because I was strange. Due to my "unique" personality, most people brushed me off as weird. I had almost no friends my age from there and the few I had I don't keep in contact with. Back then, since this was elementry school, they still played with me, it's just I wasn't their friend. It was also pretty hard to make friends my age because my class was really small, one class per grade, and the new students each year brushed me off as strange and didn't become my friend. They were all nice to me, but I never felt accepted for who I was.

Now for middle school... I switched back to public school and was a bit worried about going there. It was because I was starting out knowing no one. I saw some of my old friends from my first elementry school and it was a bit surprising to me when they weren't the nicest to me, but I brushed it off pretty quickly. After all, people change over the years. I also got to see an old camp friend, a guy, who I hadn't seen in a year or two. With good luck on our side, we ended up in the same academics and homeroom. A couple weeks in, I made a new friend and we got along great. At first, that is. Right after winter break, she told me to stop hanging out with her. I was confused, not having many friends in elementry school, but left her alone. In the meantime, I became friends with two other girls, one of them being Sayuri. But getting back to what I was talking about. Soon, that girl who used to be so nice to me became mean. She started rumors about me and talked about me. She made fun of me. Being the thick skinned person I am, it didn't really bother me. I later realized she wanted to fit in while I was dragging her down, being the way I am, and she cut me loose. After that, I treated her a bit coldly, but I never did what she did. After we stopped being friends, I actually found people who accepted me for me, and became close to them. Like me, they were original and were not clones or cared about popularity. This was just sixth grade.

Seventh grade started off with a bang and I enjoyed it. Since I'm not done with this grade yet, it'll be short. I was still friends with everyone who accepted me and I was really happy. Of course, I got teased, though it never bothered me. After all, to me, words are words. And anyway, they were only opinions, so I didn't care.

Now since my "love life" has been crappy since elementry school, it gets it's own paragraph. So, around the 4th-5th grade, there used to be a boy that I would talk to sometimes because he was really nice. Now my female classmates had the idiotic idea that I "liked" him because I talked to him. When I told them they were wrong, of COURSE they didn't believe me. And when I (stupidly) told some girls in my class who I had a crush on at the time, they smashed that into the dirt by saying there was no way he liked me back. They said it nicer, but that was the message I got. Now for middle school... Oh joy. For about the entire school year of 6th grade, pretty much the entire grade thought I either liked/like/dating/dated two guys I'm friends with. I denied it all because it wasn't true, but like elementry school, they didn't believe me. For 7th grade, I got asked out by this guy who I thought was a douche, so I told him no. Right after my response, he tells me it was for a dare, which strengthen my belief that he was a douche.

So ta da. That's kinda it. So far. Maybe I'll add more when I'm older. If you read this entire thing, thank you. It means a lot to me and here's how much I appreciate it. *big hug*

*signs in just to comment*

*reads entire thing*

*accepts hug*

I understand how it feels with your entire love life and what it's like to be without friends. My "friend" completely abandoned me for the "popular group", now all I am to her is the person she can go to if all of her other friends are away.

It's just wrong when people put you down because of your crush. When I was younger I told my friends my crush, but at least they didn't put me down.

Don't you just hate Truth or Dare sometimes? It's so very annoying.

I can also relate about the autism. My friend from church has an autistic younger brother, and it's really tough sometimes, especially when you feel helpless.

At least this year has been pretty good for you. *cannot find proper sentence to end with*