Kid Kloak

[anniemay 2]

This is just a intro to a Character in a DC spin off I'm working on. Enjoy!

8:00 P.M- heist (Sea-dragon)

"This place is swarming with police, guess the owner brought the letter to them,"I mumbled to myself.

I looked around the room seeing fancy red and blue rags leading to the center of the room, high ceiling and a glass at the center.

I could hear a rough and angry voice from the next room down.

"I can't believe that someone will be insane enough to announce their plan," the voice grumbled that was no doubt a older man.

"Well it's time for the show,"I said to myself just as I crawled through the vent I had used to get in to building.

"Who are you!" one of the police demanded when I got out of the vent.

"Only the person who sent the letter,"I told him coolly then made my way to the glass case in the middle of the room.

"What is going on!" yelled an older and more seasoned officer as he came running in with another person.

One of the officers pointed at me and said in shaky voice "Over there Inspector."

The Inspector turned and his eyes widen when he saw me on the glass case with a large sapphire in my hand.

I just stood there few seconds and looked at the Inspector’s shocked face.

“Who are you!” the Inspector demanded. “I told you in the the letter I sent the owner, didn’t I?” I asked.

The Inspector stood there ,shocked and infuriated, like the rest of his men.

“I guess you didn’t read my letter, so let me tell you. I am Kid Kloak!”I said with a little bow.

The Inspector’s tan weathered face went as red as lava with anger and dislike.

“Why... you...,” the Inspector snarled.

“Huh? What's wrong? Cat got your tongue? I asked with a chuckle.

“Get him men! Get that Kloak! ” the Inspector bellowed.

The officers charged at me.

“You know Inspector, twilight blue is one of earth’s most precious colors,”I said.

“Why is that?” the Inspector asked as he charged.

“It is one of the colors of the early night sky, which is the best time for magic!” I chuckled as I vanished in to a cloud of smoke.

The smoke spread to the whole room, in grayish-pink cloud.

"What's this?” the policemen coughed as they tried to see through the smoke.

It was a few minutes or so before the smoke cleared.

"Where did he go?" one of the officers asked in confusion.

"Right here in plain sight where you'll not find me," I whispered to myself.

I had hidden in the wooden part of the glass case, that was to hold what the case hold during transport.

“There is no way a small, blue cloak wearing kid could get away from a dozen trained policemen!” the Inspector Yelled.

“Man that inspector is going to lose his voice if he keeps that up,” I mumbled under my breath.

“Sir, I think that his cloak was either midnight or twilight blue,” an officer announced as he returned from his search.

“Thank you for that important piece of information,”the Inspector sighed as he put his hand to his head.

“Man it’s been fifteen minutes,don’t these policemen have lives?” I asked myself.

“Inspector no one has seen anyone bearing the Kloak’s description leave the building,” an officer informed the Inspector.

“That means that he has to be in the building, maybe even in this room,” the Inspector concluded.

Twenty minutes passed, and the police still didn't find my hiding spot.

The bad thing is that I was stuck in the dark tight hiding place I picked.

“Maybe Kloak hid in a vent and got away while we searched and no one saw,” the Inspector mumbled to himself.

“Sir we searched everywhere and still no luck,” an officer reported.

“Everywhere but the most noticeable place,” I chuckled quietly.

“Inspector I heard that the wooden part of the case the Sea-dragon was in is hollow so he could be there,” an another officer huffed.

“Go look then!,” the Inspector ordered and fix his dusty gray hat.

“Oh no!” I gasped and sweat started to pour down my face.

The sound of them coming closer and then removing the glass filled my ears.

“There we go...ah Klo..!” the officers gasped as they fell to the ground.

“Wha..!” the Inspector gasped and stepped back.

“Looks like hide and seek is done,” I grumbled as I climb out of the wooden box.

“What did you do to my men!” the Inspector demands.

“Oh I only gave them some sleeping gas,” I said innocently.

“Get him!” the Inspector bellowed points toward me with weathered tan hand.

“Bye for now Inspector,” I said tauntingly with a tip of my hat.

I made my get away through the nearby window and floated through the twilight blue colored sky with my cloak parachute.

Please tell me what you think and if there is any errors.

[Valkyrie 72]

Filled with action and I like it! Do continue!

But you should paragraph the story properly. For every new dialougue, you should make a new paragraph.

The tenses are a little wrong as well. The entire story should be in past tense. You mixed in present and past tense together.

But overall, it's agood story. Just have to work on the grammar and the paragraphing.

Hope this helps!

[anniemay 2]

Filled with action and I like it! Do continue!

But you should paragraph the story properly. For every new dialougue, you should make a new paragraph.

The tenses are a little wrong as well. The entire story should be in past tense. You mixed in present and past tense together.

But overall, it's agood story. Just have to work on the grammar and the paragraphing.

Hope this helps!

Thanks I'll keep that in mind.

I had a feeling that I messed up with the spacing..well practice makes prefect right?

[Valkyrie 72]

Thanks I'll keep that in mind.

I had a feeling that I messed up with the spacing..well practice makes prefect right?

Yeah! Practice makes perfect! Keep practicing! I got your back!

[anniemay 2]

Yeah! Practice makes perfect! Keep practicing! I got your back!

Thank you! What you think of the changes I made to the story.

changed the intro paragraph, fixed the paragraphing and changed all words to present tense.

[Valkyrie 72]

Thank you! What you think of the changes I made to the story.

changed the intro paragraph, fixed the paragraphing and changed all words to present tense.

It's better but you should paragraph them like this.

"This place is swarming with police, guess the owner brought the letter to them," I mumble to myself. I could hear a ruff and angry voice from the next room down. "I can't believe that some will be insane enough to announce their plan," the voice grumbled that was no doubt a older man. " Well it's time for the show,"I say to myself just as I crawl through the vent I had used to get in to building.

Turn it to something like this:

"This place is swarming with police,guess the owner brought the letter to them," I mumble to myself.

I could hear a rough and angry voice from the next room down.

"I can't believe that someone will be insane enough to announce their plan," the voice grumbled that was no doubt an older man.

"Well, it's time for the show," I said to myself as I crawled through the vent I had used to get into the building.

Hope this helps.

[anniemay 2]

It's better but you should paragraph them like this.

Turn it to something like this:

"This place is swarming with police,guess the owner brought the letter to them," I mumble to myself.

I could hear a rough and angry voice from the next room down.

"I can't believe that someone will be insane enough to announce their plan," the voice grumbled that was no doubt an older man.

"Well, it's time for the show," I said to myself as I crawled through the vent I had used to get into the building.

Hope this helps.

It does help. Thanks

[Cindy-Chen 82]

It's a great idea! I agree with AIConan-chan you need to fix it into single spacing.

It's a good idea!

[anniemay 2]

It's a great idea! I agree with AIConan-chan you need to fix it into single spacing.

It's a good idea!

Thanks and I'll do my best to get the spacing fixed.