JoJoColman 63 Report post Posted December 30, 2011 I have no idea if this is good enough DCW, but i thought i might aswell put it here A short story... with Sinichi... but who is the female?!? Tee hehe x with this story you can make whoever you want be the female... but in reality i made it for one persific couple <3 here it is... hope you enjoy <3 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ “I know this might not seem very much but, I'm yours... I love you” He said with pain in his voice. Blood still pouring out from his wound. His hand reached out and touched her cheek, weakly he stroked her hair. Tears were streaming down her pale face. She held tightly onto his hand. She did not want him to leave her, not now, not after all that they had been through together. His Breathing became irregular, they became slower. He was finding it hard to breathe. He kept on gasping for air to fill his lungs, and yet not succeeding. He knew his life was fading. The time he could spend with her was shortening. She could see how much he was in pain, yet she could not do anything to help him. She wished that this had never happened, he should have not jumped in front of the bullet, that baka, it was intended for me, not him! WHY!?, She thought to herself. She wished that she had told him sooner, but no, she did not and yet she still had not told him, her true feelings towards him. She had only just realized her mistake, it just took him to be dying for her to see it. She leaned over his cold, bloody body and gently placed her lips on his, kissing him softly. His eyes widened but soon closed slowly. Now tears were in his eyes, he felt happy, and smiled as he fell into a deep sleep. She gradually moved away from his lifeless body. Still crying, tears fell to the ground, mixing with the deep red liquid that lay there. She did not turn back. The wind whistled through the building, carrying the words that she spoke... “I love you... Shinichi” 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Valkyrie 72 Report post Posted December 31, 2011 The story itself is really filled with emotions and I like it overall! However, there are tenses, punctuation and grammar problems. When you want to start a new dialogue, make a new paragraph. Just fix those problems and this story would be good! P.S: Is the woman Shiho/Ai????? I think it is because you stated that she hadn't told Shinichi her feelings towards him. I think Ran did already so that only left Shiho/Ai. It can't be Ayumi as she don't love Shinichi- she loves Conan. And she shows her love to him plenty of time so it doesn't fit with the story. So am I right? Please tell me! :grin: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JoJoColman 63 Report post Posted December 31, 2011 The story itself is really filled with emotions and I like it overall! However, there are tenses, punctuation and grammar problems. When you want to start a new dialogue, make a new paragraph. Just fix those problems and this story would be good! P.S: Is the woman Shiho/Ai????? I think it is because you stated that she hadn't told Shinichi her feelings towards him. I think Ran did already so that only left Shiho/Ai. It can't be Ayumi as she don't love Shinichi- she loves Conan. And she shows her love to him plenty of time so it doesn't fit with the story. So am I right? Please tell me! :grin: Thankyou for your comment... i know its not a very good story but it was just a 20 min make Yes the woman is Shiho... kinda obvious i know but cute <3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Valkyrie 72 Report post Posted December 31, 2011 Your story is good! I loved it! It's just the tenses, grammar problem. But that didn't stop your story for being good! And I was right! I knew it! Now I'm even more happier. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
