DCvsAceAttorney 1 Report post Posted March 18, 2012 Hey guys. I write stories a lot for fun and I wanted to know if they're any good. Answer honestly in the poll because I love professional criticism. but don't go overboard XD. Well this is one of my stories and I divided them up into chapters. My stories are really long so they don't go into the action until the middle or end of the story so be patient. Well, here goes nothing! Detective Conan Showdown with the Black organization Author's note I just wrote this story for fun. I like the detective conan series a lot. So I figured, why not make my own Detective conan story? I just did this for my own enjoyment and I don't plan on selling this to people so it's not illegal! XD oh and I also added some new stuff to my story. It has comedy, drama, romance, ect. And some stuff people wanted to happen. Hope you enjoy! oh and I also use I a lot. I like to be in the story if you know what I mean. Prologue "Damn it! How am I supposed to escape now!? My wrist watch stun gun is broken and my super sneakers are too!" Gin and Vodka were getting closer to me. I couldn't escape. I was trapped. And there they were with their guns in their hands. " This is the end for you, Conan Edogawa. No, Kudo Shinichi! " Gin had his gun on my head. I couldn't run away with Gin and Vodka pointing their guns at me. I knew I was going to die. Right here, right now. Chapter 1: The Letter "I'm back Ran-neechan!" I called. " Welcome home Conan-kun! Sonoko and Sera will be coming here soon. " Ran replied. " Why? " I asked. I didn't really like the sound of Sonoko or Sera coming here. Sonoko is Ran's best friend but she isn't the brightest person in the world. And Sera's too suspicious. She knew my name and that I was a detective. She doesn't act like an enemy, but I don't feel confortable around her. " Just make sure you don't do anything stupid, you got that? " Kogoro ordered. " Okay " Ran replied. Oh no. It's the drunkard. Mouri Kogoro, also known as sleeping Kogoro. He used to be a great detective, but now all he does is drink, and watch Yoko on TV. A few hours later, Sera and Sonoko came to Mouri's house. They were pretty excited too. " Ran! We have something to tell you! It's about Kaito Kid!" Sonoko exclaimed. " Kaito Kid? What about him? " Ran asked. " We know where he's going to be tomorrow! He's going to be at Teitan Highschool! " Sonoko replied. " We have a copy of his note card. It says he'll appear there tomorrow during school. And I want Conan to be there too. " Sera added and made a big grin at me. I was pretty surprised that Kaito Kid would be at our highschool. There's nothing valuable there so why? " Oh and I also brought some friends with me over here. " Sera opened the door and two people came in,Hattori and Kazuha. " I heard you were a rival of Kaito Kid, so I brought Heji here to see who's the better detective again." Sera explained. It was bad enough that Sonoko and Sera was here, but now Hattori's here? " Kazuha! " Ran cheered. " So did you confess to Heji yet? " Ran whispered. " No, it's harder than you think. " Kazuha whispered back. " Hey, what are you two muttering about? " Hattori asked. " Uh, nothing! " Replied Ran. "We'll talk about this later" Kazuha decided. " So Kudo, do you think Kid's really going to come to your highschool? " Hattori asked. " I don't know. The card says so, but I don't see any reason to come to my school. " I replied. Why would Kaito Kid come to Teitan High? I'll have to find out as soon as I meet him. " Hey Kazuha, Conan and I will go to Agasa's house. We'll be back soon. " Hattori said. After we got to professor Agasa's house, we immediately went to Haibara. " Haibara, can you think of any reason Kaito Kid would want to come to Teitan High School? " I asked. " No, it's only a school. Why? " Haibara asked. " We got a letter from Kaito Kid saying he will come to Teitan High tomorrow. " Hattori answered. " Well, Kid only appears when there's something valuable to steal, so I don't think he would come to a school. " Haibara replied. " Hold up, I'll go search online about Teitan High. This may take a while though. " Haibara added. " Shinichi! I made an add on to your glasses! It goes real well with your microphone! It let's you see things from places that are far away from you. It's a tiny camera. Just place it anywhere and you'll be able to see many things. And with your microphone, you'll be able to see and hear with your glasses anywhere! Agasa explained. " You always make the best inventions a kid could ever have. " I replied. I placed the camera on my glasses and went back to Hattori. "So far, Haibara can't find any motives for Kaito Kid to come to our school." Hattori explained. This was getting annoying. What could Kaito Kid gain from all this? " Well, it's getting late, I think you both should go back to Mouri's place. " Haibara suggested. We both agreed and went back home to sleep. " Wake up! Wake up Conan-kun! Sera yelled. " It's time to go to Teitan High! " Sera added. I can't believe Sera would make a kid like me go to her highschool and make me miss school. Well, Teitan High really is my school, but I'm stuck in this body now. How would the teachers react with me in their school? Hattori, Kazuha, Sonoko, Sera, Ran, and I got ready ad headed to Teitan High. I was really surprised by the teacher's reaction. " Oh look who it is! Conan-kun! You're that rival of Kid right? The teacher asked. " He just encountered kid a lot that's all! " Hattori replied. " Oh, I thought he was here because of Kid. " The teacher replied. " Wait, you know kid's coming here!? " I asked. " Of course. The police officers just told the principle recently. " The teacher replied. " The police are here!? " I asked. " Yeah, they're right behind you actually. " The teacher pointed out. We looked behind us and there were five people. Inspector Meguire, Sato, Takagi, Chiba, and Yumi. "Conan-kun? What are you doing here? " Sato asked. " Sera forced me to go to her school today. " I replied. " Well since Kaito Kid is coming here, I wouldn't want his rival to feel left out! " Sera explained. " Still, to make a child to skip school just to meet Kaito Kid- KAITO KID! I WILL KILL THE GUY WHEN I SEE HIM! Inspector Nakamori interrupted Sato. " Inspector Nakamori?!" everyone yelled confusingly. Wow. I should have expected this. Nakamori is always around when Kaito Kid is near, but with Nakamori here, they also recieved a note from Kaito Kid. Just what is Kaito Kid's intentions? It has been one hour since we got here and there was no sign of Kid. Still, Nakamori just sat there. Scaring the students. Who wouldn't be scared? There was an angry inspector holding a gun who looks like he'll shoot anyone any minute now. Then the door opened. Someone was walking in. The person who came in, was Kudo Shinichi. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DCvsAceAttorney 1 Report post Posted March 18, 2012 here's chapter 2! Chapter 2 Part 1 : Kudo Shinichi's Return The one person who I didn't want to see the most. Kudo Shinichi. No, Kaito Kid. Why did he desguise as me again? I can't believe how many times Kaito Kid has masqueraded as me. I hated it. " Shinichi?! " Everyone said surprisingly. " I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! " Inspector Nakamori declared. I guess he really would shoot anyone. Even a famous detective if they arrived late to class. " Hold up inspector. I just came here because I heard Kaito Kid was coming to my school! I was a little late because I was caught up with another case. " Kaito Kid practically begged. " Is that so? " Inspector Nakamori questioned. Inspector Nakamori went up to Kaito Kid and stretched his face all over. That gotta hurt, I thought to myself. Kaito Kid's cheeks turned bright red after Inspector Nakamori was finished. " Looks like you're the real deal. " Nakamori sighed in disappointment. " So you're Kudo-kun. " Sera said. " Who's this guy? Did we get a new student while I was gone Ran? " Kaito Kid asked. " I'M A GIRL! CAN'T YOU TELL!? I'M EVEN WEARING A SKIRT THIS TIME! " Sera declared angrily. " Hey Kudo, is this guy Kaito Kid? " Hattori whispered. " Yeah. I don't know what he can gain by doing this though. And it'll be hard to prove he is Kaito Kid after Nakamori stretched his face. " Conan replied. " Shinichi! Where were you?! You don't come back in a long time and you come here to see Kaito Kid. You really are a mystery freak." Ran announced. " I'm sorry. This is important. After I catch Kaito Kid, I'll finish what I had to say that night. " Kaito Kid promised. I can't believe the nerve of this guy! Stealing my identity for this! After our conversation with Kaito Kid, Kid decided to go to his seat for class. Apparently I was still a celebirty here. The whole class cheered when Kaito Kid took his seat. Nothing happened that day. Nakamori was still sitting there with his hand locked on his gun. Classes were still going. And Kaito Kid was still posing as me. " When will Kaito Kid come!? " Sonoko yelled. Guess Kaito Kid is just planning to act as me in front of Ran. The clock was ticking. Sonoko was still ranting. And the Bell had just rang. That has woken everyone up. " Looks like Kaito Kid won't be coming. Pack up your stuff! " Meguire ordered. The police packed up their stuff and left. Well, Except Inspector Nakamori. " I know you're plan Kaito Kid. You plan on coming here during the night! Well you won't fool me! Second you come here is the day you die! " Nakamori declared hysterically. " That inspector is nuts. " Kaito Kid said. Reason why is because of you. Shouldn't have sended the card at all. You made school act like a prison. " Looks like I never got the chance to meet Kaito Kid. " Sera sighed. " look on the bright side, it's finally summer vacation! " Sonoko cheered. While we were talking about what we were going to do for our break, Mouri Kogoro just rushed out of his office and called in a taxi. " Otou-san!? " Ran called out. " Ran, I just got a new big case! We're going to a five-star hotel for free! " Mouri cheered. " A hotel? Can the others come? " Ran asked. " Yeah yeah, just go inside the car! " Mouri replied. Chapter 2 part 2 : The Twin Towers Luckily the taxi was big enough to fit us all. Mouri was sitting in the front, Kazuha, Sonoko, and Hattori in the mid section, Sera and Ran in the back, and I was on Ran's lap. " So which hotel are we going to? " Ran asked. " The same place where the twin towers were at! " Mouri answered. " They re-constructed it into a hotel! And a famous one too! " Mouri added. " They said that there was some data they found and they wanted me to have a look. In return, we get to stay there for free! Free food! Free rooms! And more! " Mouri explained. He was drooling. Maybe coming to this hotel wasn't a bad idea, but what worries me the most is that data they found. Gin and Vodka blew up the twin towers to erase some information on the black organization. If there was some surviving data, then they might come over again! Conan took out his earring cellphone and called professor Agasa. " Hello? " Haibara answered. " Haibara, get Agasa! I need him here with me right now! " Conan panicked. " Why? What's wrong? " Haibara replied. " The black organization may come back to the twin towers! There was some leftover data and it may contain information about them. We need to get it before they find it or else another disaster may happen." Conan explained. Haibara thought to herself, No. Not them again. I don't want to see them! " Haibara! I need you to go with Professor Agasa to the twin towers! " Conan repeated. Haibara thought for a moment. Then came back to her senses. " I'll get him. I'll meet you at the twin towers. " Haibara replied. We got there thirty minutes later. There was no sign of Agasa or Haibara there. They must have been a little late. The twin tower building didn't look any different than the last design. Two, tall towers were still standing. We went to the front entrance to go to our rooms. " Name and ID Please. " The bell boy asked. " Mouri Kogoro and I didn't get an ID. " Mouri replied. " Wait, you're THE Mouri Kogoro? As in Sleeping Kogoro? The famous detective who has said to solve any case in their sleep?! You're in the VIP list! Come with me! " The bell boy cheered. The room that the bell boy showed us was fantastic! It had rooms in this room! And big ones too! A room for seven! Just perfect! " This is amazing! " Ran exclaimed. " Who knew that your dad could get a good job in life! " Sonoko said. " I'd like to spend my summer in a hotel like this. Don't you Heji? " Kazuha asked. " Yeah this is great. Better than my house at least. " Hattori replied. " This is okay. " Kaito Kid said. " Well I'm glad you enjoy your room. I need Mouri to come with me though. You people can just roam around the hotel if you want. Or go for a swim in the out door pool. " The bell boy suggested. " Mouri Kogoro, you have some visitors. " The bell boy said. Out the door were Agasa and Haibara. They came! Just what I needed. Except that there was the Detective Boys with them. " Conan-Kun! " Ayumi called out. " Guys, what are you doing here?! " Conan asked. " We heard that Agasa and Haibara were coming here so we also wanted to join the fun. " Genta answered. " So we hid inside Agasa's trunk and waited til we got here. " Mitsuhiko added. " Then I found those three on our way here. " Haibara said. "You guys are hopless. Just stay in the hotel and wait while Haibara, Agasa, and I follow Mouri. " Conan ordered. " Okay! " The three replied. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DCvsAceAttorney 1 Report post Posted March 18, 2012 Here's Chapter 3 part 1 and 2! Chapter 3 Part 1: The Data Hattori, Agasa, Haibara, and I followed Mouri to the Hotel's Office. Apparently there was someone else following us. Kaito Kid. " Shinichi?! " Haibara announced. " It's Kaito Kid. " Hattori rereplied. " It's that thief who can impersonate anyone. He especially likes to turn into me. Old creep. " Conan glared at Kaito Kid. " Now Now, I haven't seen you in a long time and this is how you treat me? Even when I'm trying to help you? " Kaito Kid explained. " Help me?! By what!? Turning into me so you can have Ran to yourself?! " Conan countered. " No. It's too help you with the Black Or-gan-i-za-tion. " Kaito Kid defended himself. How did Kaito Kid know about the Black organization? " Oh and Mouri just did half the job for me. He brought us here. Saves me the trouble actually. " Kaito Kid added. "Why? Why are you helping me? " I asked, desperate for an answer. " It's so I can fight your normal self again. I kinda miss matching wits with you back at the clock tower hiest. " Kaito Kid answered. I didn't trust him. He was a thief. He had to get something else out of doing this. But I needed all the help I could get. We eventually went to the office. It was even better than our room. Everything was sparkling. There was even a golden desk! " Hey! Little brat get out of here! I have work to do! " Mouri yelled. " It's okay. I heard he solved some cases too. And there's also two other famous detectives with him. He could stay. Maybe he could help us. " The owner said. The owner was pretty big. He had hair like Agasa and was about the same size! He could probably pass as Agasa's twin brother! " I'm Kojiro Sanogawa. I'm the owner of this hotel. I called Mouri here to help me. I found a survivng computer in the bottom storage. When I opened it, something popped up and I was wondering what to do with it. " Kojiro explained. " Let us take a look. " Kaito Kid said. We turned on the computer and saw the pop up. It was what I feared. The data on the black organization. If they heard of this, then we'd be dead. " Haibara. " I called. " I know. " She interrupted. She took a wire out of her pocket and hooked it up to the computer. Then she got out her phone and hooked it up there. She started sending the data to her phone then she removed the cables. " Done. " She announced. " HEY WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO!? " Mouri yelled. " I transfered the data to my phone. " Haibara replied calmly. " I KNOW THAT! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT! " Mouri ranted. " This is something you people shouldn't be meddling with. Any more activity with this will get you killed. We finished our job so there's no reason to be angry. " Haibara replied in a deadly tone. That shut him up. Never knew Haibara could be so scary. "Mouri it's okay! You finished what I was asking for you to do so it's okay. You still get your reward here so everything is still fine. " Kojiro reassured. Chapter 3 part 2: The Cruise Mouri still continued ranting when we were going back. " Do you think they will come back here? " I asked. " If they didn't trace their computer yet then no. " Haibara answered. " Well, I finished my job here. I'm going to go swimming with Ran! " Kaito Kid cheered. " OH NO YOU DON'T! " Conan yelled angrily. He pressed a switch on his belt and out came a soccer ball. Then Conan was about to kick the ball at Kaito Kid until Ran, Sera, and Sonoko appeared. " Conan-kun? " Ran said. I missed my kick and ended up falling down. " Ah. Ai-kun! You're here too?! " Ran said excitedly. She ran up to Haibara and gave her a big hug. Since Ran showed a big resemblence to Akemi, Haibara didn't mind. " Onee-chan " Haibara thought to herself. " Hey Shinichi, there's going to be a party on a yacht. It's amazing! You should come! Oh and Conan, you can bring your friends too! " Ran cheered. After she told us the details about the party, she left with sonoko and sera to the yacht. " Well maybe we should go to the party. " Hattori suggested. " Why? " I asked. " To keep an eye on him. " Hattori said, pointing at Kaito Kid. " Haibara, did you get any information. " Conan asked. " I'm still trying to hack every password on here. They have tight security. " Haibara replied. We came to the Yacht and wow it was big. There was a pool, an arcade, and a resturant inside. It was big as the Titanic! Over there I saw Ran with her friends with a blonde women with glasses. "Jodie-sensei? What are you doing here? " Ran asked. " Oh, Ran! Nice to meet you. I heard this hotel was the best in Beika so I went and saw for myself. Wait, isn't that cool kid over there? Hey Cool Kid! " Jodie called out. Jodie is with the FBI and I knew that. The only reason they would be here is to retrieve the leftover data that survived. Still, I'm surprised Jodie would be here. " Conan-kun, look! There shooting fire works! " Ran announced. The fire works were really beautiful. They were amazing. And loud. But then there was a seperate sound. A gunshot. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DCvsAceAttorney 1 Report post Posted March 18, 2012 Chapter 4 is where the action starts. I'm working on it now but I'll be finished in 30 minutes Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DCvsAceAttorney 1 Report post Posted March 18, 2012 here's part 1 of chapter 4! Chapter 4 part 1: The Massacre The gunshot was loud enough for everyone to hear. " What was that? " Ran asked. Then there was a scream. " What is it!? " I asked. Over there was a body drenched in blood. Kojiro. Everyone panicked. There was one bullet whole in the head and another in his left abdomen. I went up to the man to take a closer look. He was obviously dead. " RAN CALL THE POLICE! " I yelled. She immediately took action and ran toward a Phone booth. " Hey Kudo, this party has turned into a mess. You're like a death charm you know that? " Hattori sighed. " There's no time to be joking! Someone was just murdered and - Wait, WHERE'S KAITO KID! " I yelled. I just noticed he wasn't with us. What is he doing now? Kaito Kid was on his glider already. " Good luck, Tantei-san. " And he left, but a bullet shot him. He was writhing in pain. " Who did that? " Kaito Kid asked. Then he fell down, to the ocean. " Conan-kun! They said they'll be here by helicopter! " Ran yelled. " Okay, right now we have to make sure no body leaves this boat- " Before I finished what I was saying, I saw a bullet heading toward Haibara. " HAIBARA! " I yelled. I sprinted up to her and pushed her away with all my might. She got away from the pain. Instead, I was the one who got shot. " CONAN-KUN! " Ran yelled desperate for a reply. "No. No. Not you too. I don't want you to die as well. Wake up! Wake up! You can't leave us! " Haibara cried. There was still no reply. " Why? Why me? It's all my fault! With that stupid organization! " Haibara bursted into tears. " It's not your fault. Right now we don't have time to worry about petty things like this. It's a good thing this happened. At least we know they're here. " Conan said faintly. " Get, out, of, here. " Conan said with his last breath. And finally, he fainted. " CONAN-KUN!? CONAN-KUN!? CONAN-KUN!? " Ran cried. " He just passed out. We have to get him away from here til the police comes. " Haibara reassured. They both agreed and Ran carried Conan on her back and went to the back of the boat. "Who did this?! " Haibara said. At the back of the boat was a sea of bodies. Dead bodies. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tsukiko 73 Report post Posted March 19, 2012 I'll read this later but what I noticed in the first chapter you should think about the way you pout the lines. Part from your first chapter like I would put it: "I'm back Ran-neechan!" I called. " Welcome home Conan-kun! Sonoko and Sera will be coming here soon. " Ran replied. " Why? " I asked. I didn't really like the sound of Sonoko or Sera coming here. Sonoko is Ran's best friend but she isn't the brightest person in the world. And Sera's too suspicious. She knew my name and that I was a detective. She doesn't act like an enemy, but I don't feel confortable around her. " Just make sure you don't do anything stupid, you got that? " Kogoro ordered. " Okay " Ran replied. Oh no. It's the drunkard. Mouri Kogoro, also known as sleeping Kogoro. He used to be a great detective, but now all he does is drink, and watch Yoko on TV. I'm not going to say anything else now. I have to read everything first. But this still caught my interest. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DCvsAceAttorney 1 Report post Posted March 19, 2012 Thanks for the advice! I'll look over it again soon. I was typing these at 2:00 am or sometime around that and I just copied and pasted them from word pad. But thank you for noticing that Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites