The Heart of Haibara

[Glass Heart 34]

Kudo. Even in your nightmare, you would probably have never imagined that you were already involved in the project our organization conceived half a year ago. Deeply involved...

Don't do anything inconsiderate. If they ever find you... If they discover who you really are... Then, you will be in far more danger than everything you're thinking of.

Will you ever be able to forgive me, Kudo ?

All began for us far long we were even born. It was August 1945. World War II was coming to an end. The third Reich has fallen and there were only two forces standing: America and Japan. The americans weren't able to forgive what japanese has done to them in Pearl Harbor. As a way of punishment, they droped the first ever nuckear bomb on the city Hiroshima. Many people died that day, and even more were left in a spectacle of absolute desperation. Families were killed. Homes were destroyed. People were left starving. Japans officials had to admit their defeat. They abdicted soon after.

The war was finally coming to an end, and the japanese population was sacrificed to achieve it. Soon, the country renounced to the force of its army. It fell under the domination of America, the new ruler of the world... and some people just didn't accept that.

As the world was slowly falling under the Cold War, a arm manufacturermake his wealth. He was one of those men who had everything. He was also one of those men who can't accept the humiliation Japan has suffered. He uses his wealth to create his own organization, infiltrating every political and economical sphere, with the intention to fight this fallen system. Through little persuasion, he was able to convinced several politics and scientists to join his cause. Without much effort, the organization was able to corrupt the system. It just showed how much trauma the japanese people have endured and how much untold anger they have accumulated through the years. Though the vast majority of Japan's population isn't aware of it, Japan was able to maintain himself politically and economically all thanks to the organization. That's just how much the organization was powerful.

Its ruler's dream was to create an utopy: the perfect system. At this end, he was very considerate of all those who helped him to achieved his goal but he wasn't able to forgive anyone who disappointed him, even less betrayals. For this system to work, he had to make sure anyone involved would obey him. Though, he was aware humans were imperfect beings.

That's where he had this either awesome or foolish idea: to create the new stage of human evolution: innovators, humans with genius intellect artificially enhanced through genetic manipulations and raised by the organization. With time, these innovators would have been destined to take the highest position of the country, so perfect they would never deceive their creator. And, with time, Japan would have been able to retrieve its former prestige. Project X was lauched.

It was year 1980. The people who were working on the project were a couple of scientists, Atsuishi and Elena Miyano, my parents. Though uneasy with the ethical questions, they accepted to work with human cobayes. That was the pandora box they should have never opened...

From what my mother confessed in a video tape I retrieved years later, the first group of cobayes was composed of two boys and two girls. They weren't said and didn't want to know who provided them with this human furnitures, but they were four individuals whose tests showed a high possibility of compatibility with their experiment. The two boys were apparently twin brothers, very much alike it was hard to differentiate them, except for their hairs. Then, there were two girls. Strangely, the couple take a liking into one of them. This girl would later turn out to be me.

Then they discovered by the news than several children were kidnapped by that time. The investigation was led by inspector Megure with the help of famous writer Yusaku Kudo. Amoung the missings was one of the girl they used as a cobaye. Her elder brother was said to have seen the scene. Though the boy refused to answer the journalists, not saying a word, his eyes were filled with hatred toward those who abducted his sister. Atsuishi and Elena felt like his eyes would shoot them at anytime. Having themselves a daughter and understanding what the parents are going through, they were ashamed of themselves.

After long deliberation, the Miyano decided to contact Yusaku Kudo to obtain his help for leaving the organization with the kids, and disappearing forever. It doesn't took long before the organization discovers their betrayal, but it was already too late. They only succeed to prevent the Miyano from taking one of the girl, the one the brother was ready for everything to take back.

After that, the Miyano were hidden thanks to Yusaku Kudo's connections. To protect the children, Yusaku recommands that they must be separate, especially the twin boys who could easily be identified. Though it proved to be hard for the little girl the couple had named Shiho, so I stayed with them and I lived a short but memorable time with them and my dear sister. As for the twin boys, Kudo decided to take one of them with his wife, while he decides to trust someone with the remaining boy. I only discovered far later what happened to them and what they became.

Unfortunately, the organization was able to trace us back. A young operative, Gin, eliminated the traitors, while I was taken back with my sister. Under their supervision I became a great scientist and I continue my parents' research, though my loyalty was tangible. I discovered later than the boy who lost his sister joined the secret services to infiltrate the organization, with the hope of extraditing me. At this end, he became infatuated with my sister and planned to leave the organization together. He probably also wanted him to help him find his sister, as the new head of the project.

But his cover was blown and Gin destroyed everything with his own hands. In order to find his lost sister, that man made me lost my own sister. Though I couldn't forgive him, I could even less forgive the organization who took me everything. Now that my sister was gone, I had nothing left, no reason to live. Damn with them all !

From the moment I refused to cooperate anymore with their atrocities, I knew they won't hesitate to kill me. that's how they always acted. Not that I didn't deserve what happened to me, I followed the curse my parents brought upon me, and I've became the exact same monster than them, being barely able to face myself. Ironically, even now I was following them in their downfall.

Still, these men won't have the last word. I'll make my death my own. I created death, this wonderful and infamous Apotoxine, then I will bear it in my last moment. Even though I'm unforgivable... it will be my way to make up for... making up... with what I've... done...

Strangely, I was still able to open my eyes, though my vision was blurry. I also barely breathed. I still breathed ! What happened ? Everything was confused, but, without even understanding it, I was able to escape. That's how I met the professor and the one we call the detective Conan, none other than one of the boys sharing the same fate as me. And soon after, I began my new life as the high-schooler Ai Haibara.

Though I long wondered what happened to us, I suppose nothing was wrong with the Apotoxine itself. It's definitely poison, it killed many. No, the real reason... might be in us. It might never have happened, but our bodies reacted differently, bringing us to this childhood that was stolen from us. Still, there were some wonderful people in this world who were able to bring it back to you and you seemed to have forget everything since you were really young.

Kudo. Even though I know so much about you, I'm not able to say you anything. You want to go after those men. You want to destroy them. But have you ever wondered what truly happened if they found you before ? You still think everything was an accident, you don't know how much you're valuable, and if they ever find you, I know you won't be able to stop the destiny which will be forced upon you, especially considering that the man who brought this curse upon us... is your own biological father.

Still, despite everything, you were gifted with an ability to defy destiny, to use that thing they created for the greater good, and you make me believe miracles could always happen whenever you're around. Maybe, thanks to men like you, the generations to come will be able to break this circle of hate and despair the organization was born of. A silver bullet purifying this world of the shadows tormenting it, opening the path for a better future for us all.

Kudo. When you'll discover the truth, you'll probably hate it and hate me for remaining silent about it. You didn't like me the first time we met after all. I probably deserve it. Still, if there is something I deeply wish to tell you, something that I burn to say every time I watch you (though you probably think it's all on some scientific interest)... You're lucky to be loved and to be able to love. To a girl who grew up without love, to that other girl who was trained to become a weapon and who was raised to hate all those she has ever loved, and to that brother who became your greatest rival and who pursue a quest of vengeance, you had everything we never have.

So I won't say I'm sorry, because you made so many encounters, so many friends, and I even met some myself thanks to you. I just want to say "Thank you !"

To this little child outgrown with a code name, the professor and you gave me a name. A name I didn't thought to be accurate. A name I learned to discover and to like during my time with you all. A name which means "love".

Ai.