Officer Kaoko 142 Report post Posted July 23, 2010 Yo, mina-san! About my fictional story, let's begin! Some times later, the FBI, Conan, Haibara, had a big fight with the Black Organization, but before hand Ai and Conan managed to steal the drug APTX (number what? I forgot >_<), with that, Ai managed to create the antidote, so when the big event accured Ai and Conan had gained their original body, Shinichi and Shiho... the fight is too long and I might take ages in writing it~ so I'll skip the fight But I'll tell you the interesting part at the scene in the middle of the battle; Gin pointed a gun at an injured Shinichi Kudo and said this, 'I didn't quite imagine that you'll still be alive after taking that poisounos drug... but now, I'll be sure to take your life..." As Gin about to pull the trigger, a strange figure appeared from nowhere and jumped infront of Kudo, using itself as a shield to protect him. As soon as the unknown person appeared, Gin has already shot 6 times nonstop, the bullets pierced through that person's body and lots of blood spalatterd on the floor, but she/he refuse her/his body to fall, and then when it hit the last bullet, that person fells in pain... can you guess who's that person is? And then to Shinichi's shock after he saw the person's face, he yelled, "HAIBARAAAAAA~~~!!!" "Ho~ It saves me the time to look for you... Sherry!" said Gin with a wicked grin. "So you are the man that helped this little traitor... Kudo Shinichi... I would like to know the story how you two became an ally, but I guess that would just be a waste of time..." Gin then loaded his gun and was pointed the gun at Kudo, he was ready to shoot. Shinichi looks helpless, but he was frowning at Gin, -Damn it! I just wish I can get Haibara out of here!- he thought. As he was about to pull the trigger, a sudden gunshot was heared, and Gin was shot in his legs and kidneys... can you guess who is that person is? Who shot Gin? Of course, i's Shuuichi Akai! Gin's biggest rival! Akai then walked cooly to Gin... "A- Akai... Shuichi" Gin muttered. "So I guessed I was right... you somehow escaped that time using a subtitude..." Akai then said smiling, "you can't get rid of me that easily... " "Haibara!" Shinichi rans towards the injured Haibara (I feel more comfortable in calling her Haibara than Shiho ^,^), she was covered with blood, her face looks really pale, her eyes was open, but it looks deadly. "Hang in there! Haibara! Oi...! Say something! Haibara!" Akai noticed them and he took out his cellphone, he calls the ambulance and a reinforcement. "Get out of here while you can," said Akai to Shinichi. "You can still save her... and you will just be in my way here... take the shortcut from the back door." "A-ah..." agreed Shinichi. He then carefully carried Haibara in his arms and ran as fast as he can, -good luck, Akai-san!- he said in his thoughts. "Hmph, to think that you'll get me this easily..." said Gin to Akai. "Why not? You seem helpless there." said Akai smiling. He then noticed Gin was about to take the gun on the floor (he dropped earlier when Akai shot him), but Akai was carefull, he shot Gin's left arm, "don't bother," he said, "I'll just shoot you again if you try anything funny..." Akai heard something strange, as then a sudden blast opened the door and 2 members lunched into the room. It was Vodka and Pal... That's when the big battle between the member of the Black Organization and Shuuichi Akai begins! As you see, Gin is strong, even with those injury, he ca still stand and fight. The location where they fight is in a building under construction... so it was a little tough you see~ Let's skip the fight part! Without seeing it in action (manga & anime), it's very boring~ So let's go to Shiho and Shinichi part~ as soon as Shinichi went out with Shiho in his arms they saw the ambulance already arrived. Haibara was soon dispatched inside the ambulance, followed by Shinichi. They put a surgical mask on her, and the doctor who was with them gave her the first aid, and somehow tried to stop the blood. "Haibara..." whishpered Shinichi regretfully, if he would only listened to her back then... 3 hours ago... "Don't go!" Yelled Haibara at Shinichi fiercely, "you'll only get yourself killed!" "Shut up! You are annoying! This is the moments I've been waiting for... for a very long time... I can't just stop here and do nothing..." said Shinichi turning his back at Haibara, he was ready to go... "Can't you understand!? You don't know how many are in there, if you just rush yourself inside like... that... you'll-" Shinichi shot Haibara with his watch and catched her before she fells. He then placed her on the sofa (in the unknown building). At the present... "F- fool..." muttered Haibara, "didn't I... told... *cough* you... *cough* *cough*... you... not... to *cough*" blood suddenly burst out of her mouth, and she started coughing abnormally. "Haibara...!" The doctor suddenly went to her and treated her immediately. They went to the nearby hospital, and Haibara was immeditely transported to a surgery room. Shinichi was waiting, and at the same time thinking about the Black Orgnazation and the FBI... I wonder... how's the battle's going on... I want to be a help... but... there's just nothing I can do there! I even got Haibara in this mess! She tried to save me... why...? Depending on her character... I never imagine she would do such a thing... no... worrying would just be a waste of time... to kill time, I would solve the riddle behind this code... He was viewing at a scrap of paper filled with codes and puzzles... To be continued... Kaoko's Note (authors note XD , Kaoko is my pen name [Miss Blue Hyuga]): Yo! How was it?! Did you guys likes it? Well, I hope so! Sometimes I always had these kind of stories in mind, about Detective Conan, Naruto, One Piece, and other animes... but I would never imagine that there's this special Forum in Detective Conan aspecially for writing your fan imagination story... AMAZING! Actually about the story I wrote, that was my first time publishing one (I mean, I've wrote quite a lot of stories, but I never wrote a fan fiction! I never even thought of writing one!). I tried to make the character as their ownselves as hard as possible, also it's true that Gin is more smarter (from what I wrote) and a lot cooler and cunning... and Shinichi is more careful and cautious, and I guess Haibara is more... umm... sorry! I don't know how to describe it in words XD! But, just to remind you, I don't own Detective Conan, only Gosho Aoyama does! I'm just a fan with an imagination, and wrote what was in my head ! I'll continue this imagination story of mine in quit in time (INSH). And also, I had quite an idea who will read this, so I'm going to give them a quick chit-chat : To Southpaw-san: Thank you for the FanFicion site! I really appreciated! Also I just signed up, and just beginning to get familiar with it, and after completing writing what I have in mind here in Detective Conan World I'll transfer them to FanFiction >_<! Also I read some of your stories, and phew! It's Amazing! Especially I love the 'Late Night Sience'! Hahaha... I haven't read the rest yet, but I'll try to read them when I have the time To Shuuichi Akai-san: Yo! You are always an active member and I know you would read this! Thanks for reading! Why don't you make a story too? I'm sure it will be wonderful! Also, I hope you are glad to read this one, because it has Shuuichi Akai (I guessed he's your favorite character well, he's one of my favorite character too!), right!? Hahaha! I always see you anywhere~ Jaa naa~ To Everyone: Thank you for reading! I hoped you liked it! Also, keep an eye on the next chapter! To tell you the truth, I'm not quite good in writing mysteries or adventures or any brain stories that requires solving puzzles and stuff , but I liked writing amusing stories that makes people smile~ if you would like to read my amusing stories I made, please follow this link: www.goodreads.com/story/list/3867442, and also... if you read them, can you guys leave a comment here? Or there if you have an account ... anyways, thank you! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scar Akai 65 Report post Posted July 23, 2010 Not bad... Though it was a bit too rush. There are grammar errors and spelling mistakes but who really cares. The plot was fine and can't wait to press the link, so...that's it now, I wanna read ur other stories Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Officer Kaoko 142 Report post Posted July 23, 2010 Not bad... Though it was a bit too rush. There are grammar errors and spelling mistakes but who really cares. The plot was fine and can't wait to press the link, so...that's it now, I wanna read ur other stories Yo Akai-san! Thanks for the reply! Wow, you seem smarter than your age! Oh, sorry if my writing isn't that good ! Although, I did the story in a rush, can't wait to post it here XD I will edit it later ! Thanks for reading! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scar Akai 65 Report post Posted July 23, 2010 Yo Akai-san! Thanks for the reply! Wow, you seem smarter than your age! Oh, sorry if my writing isn't that good ! Although, I did the story in a rush, can't wait to post it here XD I will edit it later ! Thanks for reading! No... Your story is good. What I mean is that you can extend it without making ur readers feel bored. Well done Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Southpaw 61 Report post Posted July 24, 2010 I agree that you have an interesting start here, but it is very rushed, and there are a lot of holes in it. I, for one, would like to know how they got to the point where they were doing battle... also, you need to make sure you stick to a single verb tense, either past or present. usually most people write in past tense, and reserve present for dialogue Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Officer Kaoko 142 Report post Posted July 27, 2010 (edited) Replie removed... Edited December 17, 2010 by Officer Kaoko Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
detectiveRJB 15 Report post Posted July 30, 2010 They many Battle are Black Organization VS FBI.CIA.agent other in world. and Detective Boy. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
