Shinichi Kodou 12 Report post Posted October 9, 2010 Hey everyone!.. attached is my first actually COMPELET fan-fic as i always write stories but never really finish them anyway.. its quite LONG (about 11 pages) the beganing might be normal but i kindly request my readers to keep reading untill the end then judge it also english is my 2nd language thou i've been learning english for 12 years now i still comitt mistakes so bare with me here :oops: feedback is appericated please enjoy ^,^ note: I DONT OWN DC or its characters the plot is only mine here A Travel around Japan.rtf Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kiel95 86 Report post Posted October 9, 2010 can't wait to read it! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shinichi Kodou 12 Report post Posted October 9, 2010 oh..thanx for stopping by..hope u enjoy it and any coments are welcomed hope u like it Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kiel95 86 Report post Posted October 9, 2010 ok, so it was pretty good, i must say hard to understand when someone else was talking... cuz when someone talks you go to a new line and use quotation marks at the beginning and the end, like so "Kudo-kun," Ai sighed to herself, "You really need to stop being reckless." "I know, I know," he muttered in reply. did you see how whenever they start and stop talking the " is places? that's what needs to happen each time, and every time someone stops talkin and someone else starts, you have to go down a line and start again with the " ok? (sorry i suck at explaining, but it was hard to understand the whole story...) also i think that the personalities don't match very well... other than Hattori and Ai's... Ran's was so-so, but conan/shinichi was very off... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shinichi Kodou 12 Report post Posted October 9, 2010 yeah about the lines and qoutation marks.. you're write i actually already did that but when i wanted to attach the file it was HUGE and many pages where there so it didnt get attached i had to decrease the number of pages by deleting some spaces.. anyway thanx for ur point.. yeah i knw people here where out of character sorry but i also have a question, where have u reached excatly? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shinichi Kodou 12 Report post Posted October 9, 2010 ok, so it was pretty good, i must say hard to understand when someone else was talking... cuz when someone talks you go to a new line and use quotation marks at the beginning and the end, like so "Kudo-kun," Ai sighed to herself, "You really need to stop being reckless." "I know, I know," he muttered in reply. did you see how whenever they start and stop talking the " is places? that's what needs to happen each time, and every time someone stops talkin and someone else starts, you have to go down a line and start again with the " ok? (sorry i suck at explaining, but it was hard to understand the whole story...) also i think that the personalities don't match very well... other than Hattori and Ai's... Ran's was so-so, but conan/shinichi was very off... yeah about the lines and qoutation marks.. you're write i actually already did that but when i wanted to attach the file it was HUGE and many pages where there so it didnt get attached i had to decrease the number of pages by deleting some spaces..anyway thanx for ur point.. yeah i knw people here where out of character sorry but i also have a question, where have u reached excatly? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
J3nny 22 Report post Posted October 9, 2010 i must say the story was pretty good, i like it! hard to understand though :smile: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kiel95 86 Report post Posted October 9, 2010 yeah about the lines and qoutation marks.. you're write i actually already did that but when i wanted to attach the file it was HUGE and many pages where there so it didnt get attached i had to decrease the number of pages by deleting some spaces.. anyway thanx for ur point.. yeah i knw people here where out of character sorry but i also have a question, where have u reached excatly? what do you mean where have i reached? ah yes, and long... believe me, if you've read my conan x ai, you will understand the true meaning of LONG and HUGE Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scar Akai 65 Report post Posted October 10, 2010 Can't wait to get to my computer! Can't download it through my handphone. And by the way, if it didn't fit, you could've copied it and paste it to your post like how detective kaoko always does. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kiel95 86 Report post Posted October 10, 2010 i'm working on a new fanfic, yes it is shinichixshiho BUT it is the downfall of the organization ^-^ wut do you think? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scar Akai 65 Report post Posted October 10, 2010 Wooo... Awesome! Looking forward to reading it...Wish that it will be as good as Kaoko-tantei's work or maybe even better! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kiel95 86 Report post Posted October 10, 2010 Wooo... Awesome! Looking forward to reading it...Wish that it will be as good as Kaoko-tantei's work or maybe even better! well i posted chapter 1 ^-^ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scar Akai 65 Report post Posted October 10, 2010 You did? *runs off to the fans work section* *runs back to this site*where do you post it? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kiel95 86 Report post Posted October 10, 2010 in the stories section, its called the downfall of the syndicate: chapter 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scar Akai 65 Report post Posted October 10, 2010 Kk.... 'Going' there now Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kiel95 86 Report post Posted October 10, 2010 Kk.... 'Going' there now ^-^ hope you like it... i'm working on the battle scenes... it may take me a while since after i add in what i've hand written i'm going to edit it and make it much better and more elaborate ^-^ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scar Akai 65 Report post Posted October 10, 2010 Not bad! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shinichi Kodou 12 Report post Posted October 10, 2010 thanx everyone for ur comments Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Officer Kaoko 142 Report post Posted October 15, 2010 Okay, I read it and PHEW! As Tacticwolf-chan said, you didn’t organize the thing when the characters saying their lines, you don’t put them between “”. So it’s somehow kind of annoying … but I can understand which characters are talking. So I had no problem with that. And the characters are someway out of their personality. It’s hard to explain but… just a piece of advice, when you want to write, you have to put your soul inside their skin and suggest what the characters would do in the following situation . For example, Sonoko… when Ran and Shinichi met and were acting kind of lovy-dovy stuff … Sonoko wouldn’t have stayed silent, she would have teased them. And Shinichi wouldn’t have invited Ran in front of Sonoko. I think he would have at least whispered to her instead of saying it out loud. Uhm! I have a lot to say but… I’m too lazy to list it all down! But actually, despite the plot your English is quite amazing (for having English as the second language )! There are some grammatical errors, but its okay since I screw up too in my Fan-Fic sometimes I think you had rush in writing this Fan-Fic. For your readers to enjoy your story, you must take your time and do it smoothly without hurry . And then when you finish writing your story, reread it again and examine every single word and think how your readers would feel and think when they read it themselves (would they enjoy it this way? Would they find this interesting? Will they get hooked? Etc.). I like some of your way of writing, and hahaha, the code really excited me for a second there! Cool! And nice thinking! I hope my review wasn’t too much. But I like you compare to other Fan-Fiction-Authors… since most of them mostly write nasty and dirty stuffs . When you write another Fan-Fic, I will be delighted to read them! So I can tell you what I think again ! Good luck ! And please do not consider me rude or anything… I’m just being honest here Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shinichi Kodou 12 Report post Posted October 16, 2010 Okay, I read it and PHEW! As Tacticwolf-chan said, you didn’t organize the thing when the characters saying their lines, you don’t put them between “”. So it’s somehow kind of annoying … but I can understand which characters are talking. So I had no problem with that. And the characters are someway out of their personality. It’s hard to explain but… just a piece of advice, when you want to write, you have to put your soul inside their skin and suggest what the characters would do in the following situation . For example, Sonoko… when Ran and Shinichi met and were acting kind of lovy-dovy stuff … Sonoko wouldn’t have stayed silent, she would have teased them. And Shinichi wouldn’t have invited Ran in front of Sonoko. I think he would have at least whispered to her instead of saying it out loud. Uhm! I have a lot to say but… I’m too lazy to list it all down! But actually, despite the plot your English is quite amazing (for having English as the second language )! There are some grammatical errors, but its okay since I screw up too in my Fan-Fic sometimes I think you had rush in writing this Fan-Fic. For your readers to enjoy your story, you must take your time and do it smoothly without hurry . And then when you finish writing your story, reread it again and examine every single word and think how your readers would feel and think when they read it themselves (would they enjoy it this way? Would they find this interesting? Will they get hooked? Etc.). I like some of your way of writing, and hahaha, the code really excited me for a second there! Cool! And nice thinking! I hope my review wasn’t too much. But I like you compare to other Fan-Fiction-Authors… since most of them mostly write nasty and dirty stuffs . When you write another Fan-Fic, I will be delighted to read them! So I can tell you what I think again ! Good luck ! And please do not consider me rude or anything… I’m just being honest here YO! Kaoko-chan! I'm really thhhhhaaaannnkfull for your honest feedback and comments and after rereading what i wrote i must say ur 100% correct i will notedown ur comments in my personal notebook and refere to them for my next story thanx again :) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kiel95 86 Report post Posted October 16, 2010 ^-^ we all just have to love kaoko~chan and her onion dudes ^-^ she and her onions are just so awesome!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shioriserashio 3 Report post Posted May 10, 2012 english is my third language so i understand what you mean. my spelling migt be better than yours but my grammer is not so good as yours Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
