Downfall of the Syndicate: Chapter 1

[Scar Akai 65]

it now... It's awesome. especially the onions..happy?

[Kiel95 86]

it now... It's awesome. especially the onions..happy?

why yes, yes i am

[Scar Akai 65]

everyone who sees your story will see it ...

[Kiel95 86]

then i must've forgotten something... what chapter did you see it in?

[Scar Akai 65]

I mean that you can still see it though it is ***** ** ******

[Kiel95 86]

I mean that you can still see it though it is ***** ** ******

that depends on the angle you're looking from...

[Scar Akai 65]

hmmm... indeed

[tengaku squared 291]

Evaluation is complete.

Your score is 94%.

92% to 99% (Fantastic) - Stories like these only need tinkering; everything else is top-notch.

Starting Impressions: Maximum: 1 point

• Is it neat? (Sure) 1/1

Format: Maximum: 2 points

• Is the format concrete (does the story remain in 1st person, etc.)? If it is not, does the author give warning of a format change? (It stays in script third format) 1/1
• Does the format make sense for the story? (It makes enough sense) 1/1

Grammar & Punctuation: Maximum: 3 points

• Are there any errors? (some) .5/1
• Do they impede, or disrupt the story? (Not in any way) 2/2

Personality: Maximum: 3 points

• Do characters have any sense of personality? (Yes) 1/1
• Do characters's reactions make sense according to their personality? (Haibara doesn't openly say her feelings...and Hattori doesn't call Kudo Kudo-kun, ever) .2/1
• Does their personality MAKE SENSE? (Sure) 1/1

Plot: Maximum: 5 points

• Does it make sense? (You could develop the battles during the wars...it leaves me a bit confused) .5/1
• Does it generate excitement, or otherwise spark interest in the reader? (Sure) 2/2
• Is there any order, however unobvious? (It exists) 2/2

Overall Presentation: Maximum: 6 points

• Does it leave the reader overall satisfied? (Sure) 2/2
• Does it leave the reader wanting more, or leave on a great conclusion? (Sure) 2/2
• Does it show effort? (Of course. even if you were a tad lazy) 2/2

[tengaku squared 291]

I hate it when I double post...grumble grumble

Edited February 2, 2011 by xXLeration

[Kiel95 86]

Evaluation is complete.

Your score is 94%.

92% to 99% (Fantastic) - Stories like these only need tinkering; everything else is top-notch.

Starting Impressions: Maximum: 1 point

• Is it neat? (Sure) 1/1

Format: Maximum: 2 points

• Is the format concrete (does the story remain in 1st person, etc.)? If it is not, does the author give warning of a format change? (It stays in script third format) 1/1
• Does the format make sense for the story? (It makes enough sense) 1/1

Grammar & Punctuation: Maximum: 3 points

• Are there any errors? (some) .5/1
• Do they impede, or disrupt the story? (Not in any way) 2/2

Personality: Maximum: 3 points

• Do characters have any sense of personality? (Yes) 1/1
• Do characters's reactions make sense according to their personality? (Haibara doesn't openly say her feelings...and Hattori doesn't call Kudo Kudo-kun, ever) .2/1
• Does their personality MAKE SENSE? (Sure) 1/1

Plot: Maximum: 5 points

• Does it make sense? (You could develop the battles during the wars...it leaves me a bit confused) .5/1
• Does it generate excitement, or otherwise spark interest in the reader? (Sure) 2/2
• Is there any order, however unobvious? (It exists) 2/2

Overall Presentation: Maximum: 6 points

• Does it leave the reader overall satisfied? (Sure) 2/2
• Does it leave the reader wanting more, or leave on a great conclusion? (Sure) 2/2
• Does it show effort? (Of course. even if you were a tad lazy) 2/2

thanks for the evaluation! i understand if it is off in some areas... but after typing it once i don't think i edited it XD me and editing hate each other to no end! hahah, well thanks for the eval on the first chapter ^^ glad it rated FANTASTIC ^^