Downfall of the Syndicate: Chapter 2

[Kiel95 86]

Enjoy ^-^ chapter two of my fanfic of aoyama gosho's detective conan... ok so yes it is shihoxshinichi but the actual romance BETWEEN them doesn't show for a while... yes it has already been found out that shiho/ai likes him ... at least akai has found out... and shinichi has turned back to normal completely...

well anyways, please read, review, and enjoy. the third chapter will be out soon since i wrote it already just have to type it up!

He broke away from the group of FBI agents and hurried over to her.

“Ran, what are you doing here?” he asked incredulously.

She was surprised by his attitude and replied, slightly stammering, “I should be asking you that.”

“Just answer mine,” he said seriously.

“W-well, the professor said he was taking Ai and Conan camping so I came to check on the house. Why are you here? I mean, why with the FBI, Hattori, the professor and Ai?” She was confused for quite a while, trying to figure it out in her head.~Tacticalwolf~

Before he could come up with an excuse Ran remembered something else.

With a worried look she asked, “Where’s Conan-kun?”

Shinichi gulped. He didn’t want to have to answer that.

Ai saw the awkward exchange and read Ran’s lips. Then she noticed that Shinichi completely flustered.

She called out, completely serious and no longer acting like a child, “Kudo-kun, it’s time to go.”

Shinichi breathed an inner sigh of relief and said to Ran as he hurried off, “Sorry Ran, I’ll explain later.”

As he turned to rush off, Ran grabbed his shoulder.

With firm eyes and an unwavering voice she said, “I’m coming.”~Tacticalwolf~

Ai’s stomach lurched. This had to end.

Akai watched as the little girl clenched her fists. Glancing at her face she still had a mask on. He sighed heavily.

Ai walked over to them and grabbed Shinichi’s hand. Her cold eyes connected with Ran’s and she said, “Come if you want, but there’s a chance you may die or be injured. Either way, there’s no more time to waste.” She pulled Shinichi, who followed.

Ran at first couldn’t decide and let her hand slip off Shinichi’s shoulder.

Then with a hardened expression, she followed.

The three climbed into the same van as Hattori, the professor, Akai, and Jodie.

Shinichi sat between the two girls.

Then when the van pulled away, Akai kneeled on the floor and opened a compartment on the floor.

Ran raised an eyebrow, but everyone else didn’t flinch. They were expecting this.

Akai pulled out a few bags and tossed one to everybody except Ran, even Ai got one.

Everyone unzipped the bags and began to pull out an assortment of weapons and holsters.

Ran’s eyes widened. She looked around as weapons were pulled out of the bags. Her eyes fell on Ai, wondering if she received the same, but the little girl only pulled out a set of folded clothes, but they seemed to large for her.

Then Jodie and Ai stood up and everyone squeezed to the front of the van.~Tacticalwolf~

Jodie pulled a curtain across the back.

Ai rummaged through her pocket and fingered the antidote. Then after a few more moments of hesitation she swallowed it.

Ran was staring at the back until she heard Ai scream.

Nobody had made a move to check on her except Ran. She stood up to check on Ai, but the others held her back.

“Hey, let me go! She’s in pain! We should check on her!” Ran said unhappily.~Tacticalwolf~

Everyone shook their head.

Ran looked at Shinichi for support.

“No,” he whispered sternly.

Ran sat down dejectedly.

A few minutes later, the curtain was pulled back, and a slightly sweating strawberry blonde teenager joined them. She had her hair tied up in a ponytail and was wearing camouflage cargo pants, boots, and a black tank-top with a black jacket over-top.

“You ok?” asked Shinichi.

She huffed. In her new melodic voice she replied, “Just fine.”

Ran’s eyes were wide open.

All of a sudden there was an explosion. The whole van shook and threw everyone around.

Akai kept the professor and Jodie from falling to the ground. Hattori was the first to hit the floor and was soon crushed by Ran who fell on top of his back. Shiho slid across the seat and hit the front of the van. Shinichi was thrown towards Shiho and last second pushed himself away so that he landed beside Shiho.

Everyone cursed as they sat up and went on alert.

Dirt kicked up all over the road from the explosion.

Shiho quickly found her bag and tossed her child clothes in them, then pulled out her gear.

Everyone pulled on a headset with a microphone.

“What’s going on over there?” asked Jodie.

A shaky reply was heard, “Grenade-launcher.”

People’s eyes narrowed.

“It’s begun,” whispered Hattori.

The back doors were swung open and they burst out in formation.

Shiho glanced at Ran who was confused. She removed her bullet-proof vest and tossed it to Ran.

“Put it on, we don’t have time to protect you. Stay close.”

Ran pulled it on quickly and hurried after Shiho.

Shinichi noticed the two girls. His eyes widened since Shiho didn’t have a vest on.

He quickly pulled off his and handed it to her.

“Kudo-kun, I don’t need it.”

“Take it,” he ordered. “I promised to protect you. Take it.”

She sighed, taking the vest. “Just don’t get shot.”

He grinned with his reassuring trademark smile, “I’ll be fine.”

Ran’s heart was already beating like crazy from everything that was happening, but at this exchange it became erratic.

All of a sudden guns were going off all over.

Their group hid behind the van and peered into the trees, placing their backs to the beach.

Ran was looking at the beach when she saw the barrel of a gun coming out of the sand, aiming at Shinichi.

Before she could yell, it fired. She shut her eyes, and when she opened them, she saw what happened. Shiho was in front of Shinichi, and fired her gun twice.

The sand turned bright red as it absorbed the blood of the murdered. ~Tacticalwolf~

She fell to the ground and gripped her side.

Shinichi immediately moved towards her to check her condition. The bullet had been stopped, but the force had knocked the wind out of her.

She staggered to her feet, eyes sweeping the beach for anymore.

“I’m fine, just a bit off balance.”

Shinichi let a smile slip through, “I’m glad. Please be careful though.”

“I will.”

During this whole ordeal, the others were firing into the forest.

Soon Shiho and Shinichi joined the fire-fight, having thoroughly scanned the beach and saw no more shooters.

When the enemy ceased fire, all the FBI reloaded completely.

A bit of talk was heard over the headsets.

Akai said into the headsets, “Phase B, already 5 deaths, 2 injuries. 2 more phases to go. Be careful. We only have 35 members left, including the injured. Stay alert. We’re moving in.”

Akai led their group into the woods, and soon other groups followed.

Shinichi whipped out Conan’s glasses and scanned the forest with zoom mode.

Ran’s eyes widened at the glasses. “Conan-kun,” she whispered inaudibly.

“20 snipers in the trees, be alert and stay behind tree trunks,” Shinichi ordered into the headset.

They slowly moved throughout the forest until Shinichi ordered them to stop.

“Halt. Stay hidden, I’m taking some out.”

He holstered his pistol and pulled out a rifle and attached a scope. Aiming carefully with zoom mode of his glasses on as well, he fired 3 rounds.

Screams from 3 different people were heard, and simultaneous thuds as well.

Ran was shocked. Shinichi never wanted to kill. He despised it. Yet now he had just killed 3 people without hesitation. To Ran, he was like a whole new person.

Shinichi allowed himself a small grin. Then he wiped it off his face and scouted for more targets.

Light rustling in the trees when no wind was blowing gave away the hiding spot of 2 more, must be, amateur snipers.

He shot through the mass of leaves and two more dead bodies littered the forest floor.

“5 down,” he whispered, “15 more, stay alert.”

Slowly they proceeded. Then all of a sudden bullets rained around them and everyone scattered for cover.

Bullets whizzed by from all directions. They had been cornered in the woods.

As hell broke loose, Shinichi spotted a large hollow in an old tree. He shoved Shiho and Ran into the hole and soon followed.

Both Shiho and Shinichi put silencers on their guns and faced out the hole.

As the syndicate operatives ran in front of the hollow, Shinichi and Shiho dropped them in an instant.

4 bodies lay outside their hiding spot.

With little hesitation, Shinichi climbed out and grabbed their ammunition and weapons.

He threw them into the hollow and scanned his surroundings.

Nobody else was near them, including their own team.

“Damn,” he whispered. He called into the headset multiple times with no response.

As he was crawling back into the hole, he was hit from behind.

As he collapsed, Shiho fired a few rounds at his attacker, downing the man in and instant.

She grabbed Shinichi’s arm and pulled him into the hole.

He was unconscious.

She checked him for severe injuries. Other than a small bump on his head, he was ok. And from examination there probably wouldn’t be any brain damage.

She sighed in relief.

She pushed him into the back of the hole, making Ran watch over him.

Tapping on her headset she said, “Hey, is anybody there? Respond. Hello?” she could hear faint breathing.

Then a chill went up her spine as a deep and cold voice spoke.

[Scar Akai 65]

can't wait to continue reading but sorry. It's already nigh time and I still have abit of homework. GTG

[Kiel95 86]

k cya later ^-^

[mysterious girl 3]

i guess the man who spoke is Gin well i will c who in the next chapter!

[Kiel95 86]

yes u will c ^-^

[Scar Akai 65]

Guessing that Gin was the one who knocked Shin out

[J3nny 22]

tolly awesome! :grin:

[Kiel95 86]

thank you! i try my best, i hope you like the chapters to come!

[Officer Kaoko 142]

Haha, okay... It's time I give a review of the second chapter...

Cool! A battle in the forest? I never thought of that! It's so amazing...! And WOW, so Haibara decided to change back?

The parts I think it's a bit off is:

• When the FBI lets Ran on the van. I think that's a bit unrealistic. Come on, do you think they'd let an ordinary citizen to join them just like that? It'd be better if you made Ran notices them (but didn't confront them). And then she follows them serectly... like, make her have her own car, or a motorcycle. She follows them secretively and suspiciously...
  
• And, it'd be more realistic if you made Haibara drink the antidote in the house rather than in the car. I think she wouldn't have liked everyone to witness her changing back (to Shiho).
  
• And... huh?! What! Shinichi just killed someone? Woh! That just made him a murderer!
  
• And I noticed that you made Shinichi so sarcastic towards Ran... very cold indeed!
  

But I loved the way you put action into the battle! It was so amazing and I can imagine them in my head! I'm not good in doing that¬ haha!

I don't like Ran here... she is too annoying and noisy! Well, I guess you made her like that... Ohohohohoho!

Okay, next chapter¬

[Kiel95 86]

Haha, okay... It's time I give a review of the second chapter...

Cool! A battle in the forest? I never thought of that! It's so amazing...! And WOW, so Haibara decided to change back?

The parts I think it's a bit off is:

• When the FBI lets Ran on the van. I think that's a bit unrealistic. Come on, do you think they'd let an ordinary citizen to join them just like that? It'd be better if you made Ran notices them (but didn't confront them). And then she follows them serectly... like, make her have her own car, or a motorcycle. She follows them secretively and suspiciously...
  
• And, it'd be more realistic if you made Haibara drink the antidote in the house rather than in the car. I think she wouldn't have liked everyone to witness her changing back (to Shiho).
  
• And... huh?! What! Shinichi just killed someone? Woh! That just made him a murderer!
  
• And I noticed that you made Shinichi so sarcastic towards Ran... very cold indeed!
  

But I loved the way you put action into the battle! It was so amazing and I can imagine them in my head! I'm not good in doing that¬ haha!

I don't like Ran here... she is too annoying and noisy! Well, I guess you made her like that... Ohohohohoho!

Okay, next chapter¬

well, i needed ran there for multiple reasons, and her seeing ai change ino shiho was one of them... i'll need her for later chapters you know? you'll see waht i mean

[Officer Kaoko 142]

well, i needed ran there for multiple reasons, and her seeing ai change ino shiho was one of them... i'll need her for later chapters you know? you'll see waht i mean

Oww...! I actually thought the exact same thing! I knew you were trying to show off Haibara drinking infront of Ran¬ It was easy to predict that you were up to that, you know!

[Kiel95 86]

good ^-^ i wanted to make sure that was clear though y'know? i need haibara to change for reasons you will soon see ^-^

[tengaku squared 291]

Hi.

Your score is 85%

80% to 91% (Great) - Stories here may have a few errors, but the story's a great read.

Starting Impressions: Maximum: 1 point

• Is it neat? (Yes) 1/1

Format: Maximum: 2 points

• Is the format concrete (does the story remain in 1st person, etc.)? If it is not, does the author give warning of a format change? (It remains in the same format)
• Does the format make sense for the story? (You know, I'd prefer multiple character perspectives from a third person view) .5/1

Grammar & Punctuation: Maximum: 3 points

• Are there any errors? (Not any that I care about) 1/1
• Do they impede, or disrupt the story? (An error cannot disrupt if it doesn't exist) 2/2

Personality: Maximum: 3 points

• Do characters have any sense of personality? (Can't Ran be more emotional?) .5/1
• Do characters's reactions make sense according to their personality? (FBI agents voices aren't supposed to be shaky...and how did Shinichi turn into a killer?) .2/1
• Does their personality MAKE SENSE? (Fine...) 1/1

Plot: Maximum: 5 points

• Does it make sense? (The lack of a developed pre-story leaves me lost...) .2/1
• Does it generate excitement, or otherwise spark interest in the reader? (The war scene is great, but it can be touched upon more) 1.8/2
• Is there any order, however unobvious? (Ah...the transition is a bit awkward) 1.8/2

Overall Presentation: Maximum: 6 points

• Does it leave the reader overall satisfied? (It's a great read) 2/2
• Does it leave the reader wanting more, or leave on a great conclusion? (The cliffhanger is good; and the plot is great enough) 2/2
• Does it show effort? (If you weren't showing effort, how could you write these?) 2/2

[Kiel95 86]

Hi.

Your score is 85%

80% to 91% (Great) - Stories here may have a few errors, but the story's a great read.

Starting Impressions: Maximum: 1 point

• Is it neat? (Yes) 1/1

Format: Maximum: 2 points

• Is the format concrete (does the story remain in 1st person, etc.)? If it is not, does the author give warning of a format change? (It remains in the same format)
• Does the format make sense for the story? (You know, I'd prefer multiple character perspectives from a third person view) .5/1

Grammar & Punctuation: Maximum: 3 points

• Are there any errors? (Not any that I care about) 1/1
• Do they impede, or disrupt the story? (An error cannot disrupt if it doesn't exist) 2/2

Personality: Maximum: 3 points

• Do characters have any sense of personality? (Can't Ran be more emotional?) .5/1
• Do characters's reactions make sense according to their personality? (FBI agents voices aren't supposed to be shaky...and how did Shinichi turn into a killer?) .2/1
• Does their personality MAKE SENSE? (Fine...) 1/1

Plot: Maximum: 5 points

• Does it make sense? (The lack of a developed pre-story leaves me lost...) .2/1
• Does it generate excitement, or otherwise spark interest in the reader? (The war scene is great, but it can be touched upon more) 1.8/2
• Is there any order, however unobvious? (Ah...the transition is a bit awkward) 1.8/2

Overall Presentation: Maximum: 6 points

• Does it leave the reader overall satisfied? (It's a great read) 2/2
• Does it leave the reader wanting more, or leave on a great conclusion? (The cliffhanger is good; and the plot is great enough) 2/2
• Does it show effort? (If you weren't showing effort, how could you write these?) 2/2

hahaha, i'll edit this sometime mmk? i'll make ran more emotional... and, if u think bout it, shinnichi is about to face an organization that WILL KILL YOU IN A HEARTBEAT AS IT IS FILLED WITH ASSASSINS AND COLD BLOODED KILLERS... if you don't take them out, who knows who they would have killed...If you were one of those FBI agents, would your voice be shaky?

well anyways, i like to debate back and forth about my points of view, but i definitely will try to fix it up to get it a higher rating