Downfall of the Syndicate: Chapter 3

[Kiel95 86]

ok so i hope you enjoy chapter 3! chapter 4 is coming soon, already finished .... i think... just need to type it in!

“Hello, Sherry.”

Ran saw Shiho tense up and took Shinichi’s headset to listen.

“Gin,” she growled. “What the hell did you do?”

“Oh, just took out a few of your FBI friends.”

She could hear his could laugh.

“You killed them didn’t you?” she seethed.

“Now what would make you think that?” asked the sarcastic voice.~Tacticalwolf~

“Damn it Gin! You knew about this raid didn’t you?” she snarled.

“And what if I did?”

“What is it you want?”

“You, Sherry. We want you back.”

“Why? So you can kill me? Or do you want to force me to continue making that damn drug?”

“Now, now, my sweet, don’t talk bad about your creation. We all love it and only wish for it to be completed.”

“And when it is, death awaits me,” she returned.

“Sherry,” he started, changing his tone, “I miss you.”

“Yeah?” she asked sarcastically. Then she retorted, “I could never miss you. If I recall correctly, you shot me upon sight at the hotel.”

“Hey, those were orders. That was when the organization wanted you dead, but when we couldn’t find anyone to take your place we realized that we needed you. They were orders at the time.”

“Ones you would gladly have carried out without a moment’s hesitation.”

“Don’t think of the bad times. Remember all the fun filled nights we spent together in my room?”

When Ran heard this she stared at Shiho with wide eyes. The girl couldn’t be 20 years old, yet this man sounded much older. She couldn’t help but wonder what really happened. Lucky for her, she was about to find out.

“Feh, all we did was drink. And I’m quite sure that every time you ended up pissing me off and I threw a bottle at your head.”

“Haha, good times indeed, yet you wouldn’t even let me kiss you.”

“Like hell would I let someone I hate kiss me.”

“Does that mean there is someone you like? Is that why you speak like that?” he asked, obviously agitated.

“I wouldn’t even let the one I love kiss me… he… has another on his mind,” she finished in a whisper and a slight glance back towards Ran and Shinichi.

Gin chuckled, “My, my, how noble of you.”

“Shut up Gin.”

There was silence for a bit and Shiho said sarcastically, “My, my, finally listening to me are you?”

“Sherry, I want to make an offer.”

Shiho slightly tensed.

“What would that be?”

“Come willingly and I won’t kill the boy and girl you are hiding with.”~Tacticalwolf~

“What are you talking about?” she asked, slightly uneasily.

“I see you in the tree’s hollow. Come out unarmed and we will draw back and let the rest of you live.”

Shiho tensed again. Stiffening even more.

“How do I know you won’t betray that?”

“Sherry, I took my pills. That’s why I’m calm. You know I can’t lie once I’ve taken my pills.”

“Yeah.”

“You have 5 minutes to decide.”

Shiho removed her headset and turned to look at the other two.

She noticed that Ran had the headset on.

Ran quickly removed it and turned it off.

“You heard?” asked Shiho.

Ran forced out a nod.

Shiho let out a sad smile that showed in all of her facial features.

She took one last look at Shinichi and said, “Tell him what happened. Take care ok? Also, tell him it’s been fun, oh and sorry I’m making him break his promise. I don’t want to ruin your lives anymore.”

That was when Ran noticed that she loved Shinichi.

“Good luck Mouri. Take care of him. Truthfully, I won’t be joining them. He’s going to kill me as soon as I come out of here, but he will leave alone long enough for you to flee. He, at least, won’t kill you yet. He has some pride.”

She removed all of her weapons and only left on her bullet proof vest.

As she was walking out, Shinichi grabbed her ankle. She was a bit surprised and it showed on her face.

“Haibara,” he wheezed, “Don’t go…”

She removed his hand from her ankle and said with a sad smile, “Kudo-kun, I should’ve died long ago. You gave me a chance to live normally and I’m thankful, but it’s my time. Goodbye.” She placed her headset back on.

She climbed out and walked a few feet before a shot rang high and clear and she was thrown to the ground.

Shinichi’s and Ran’s eyes widened.

Shiho’s hands moved to her side. Blood slid down her chin from her lips as her face twisted in agony.

Gin whispered into the headset and to Shiho’s ears, “Say hello to Akemi for me. I killed you the same way I killed her.”~Tacticalwolf~

Shiho whispered with a smile into the headset, “Goodbye, Seichirou.”

Gin shivered at the sound of his name being whispered out of the mouth of his one and only true love.

Then a piercing pain shot through him and blood dribbled down his chin in the same fashion as Shiho.

He looked down at his side and saw the gunshot wound.

He brought the scope up shakily to his eyes to see who had shot him.

The detective brat who he had failed to kill had a rifle in his hands. Gin didn’t have the power to pull the trigger.

“Heh, Sherry, it looks like we’ll be dying together,” chuckled Gin.

A firm voice retorted, “No.”

His eyes widened as he watched Shiho sit up.

She wiped the fake blood from her mouth.

That’s when he noticed the shimmer from a bullet stuck in the vest.

Shiho said into the headset, “My dearest Seichirou, it barely touched my stomach. Did you like my acting? I learned from the best.”

Gin let a smirk play on his lips, “Yes, I never expected to be fooled. “

“Say hey to my sister for me.”

“Goodbye Shiho,” he smiled.

“Goodbye Seichirou.”

With that Gin grew silent and cold, air no longer coming in or out of his lungs.

“I told you the vest would come in handy, but really, that acting even had me fooled,” said Shinichi, slightly aggravated. “Why didn’t you tell me it was fake?” he demanded to know.

“Because, I had left on the headset so Gin could hear our conversation. What? Did you think I would die that easily?” She smirked at his red face and said, “Oh my, the great detective of the east Kudo Shinichi is blushing. Can this really be?”

“Oi! Haibara!” he said angrily and embarrassed.

Shiho chuckled.~Tacticalwolf~

It grew silent for a while and then a group of people surrounded them.

(Note: basically Seichirou is what i decided to make Gin's real name... i feel like akai said his name before but i don't remember what it is... and i think he only said the last name so i decided to make up a first name for Gin)

[Scar Akai 65]

Seichiro... nice name

[Kiel95 86]

thanks, i don't know where i remember hearing it... but i put it in..... wait i got it! movie 6! i think he was the skinny boy... with freckles and that blue jacket (saying this all from memory.... i'm not sure...)

[Scar Akai 65]

Owwww! Noah's ark!That boy is called Hidoki though...

[Kiel95 86]

no no, he was one of the rich dudes of the group that went to london times with conan and them... the first boy that almost fell off the bridge...

[Scar Akai 65]

Owww! That one! I don't really pay attention to the names though...

[Kiel95 86]

i've seen it many times, i think his dad called out his name when he disappeared..

[J3nny 22]

yes that his name alright! But he is not Gin

[Kiel95 86]

i know, but i wanted to give gin i name and i thought of that name... i was just saying where i first heard the name i suck at coming up with names so i think back to random cases and choose a name that i've heard before ... hehe i cheat

[syllablebray23 0]

Seichirou ? cool ~

[Kiel95 86]

Seichirou ? cool ~

thnx ^-^

[Scar Akai 65]

If that boy is really Gin, I will regret loving DC.

[Kiel95 86]

u idiot... all i did was take his name... pretend it is spelled different in kanji ok?

[tengaku squared 291]

Hm...let's see here.

Your score is 83%.

80% to 91% (Great) - Stories here may have a few errors, but the story's a great read.

Starting Impressions: Maximum: 1 point

• Is it neat? (Sure) 1/1

Format: Maximum: 2 points

• Is the format concrete (does the story remain in 1st person, etc.)? If it is not, does the author give warning of a format change? (It stays the same) 1/1
• Does the format make sense for the story? (Third person from Shiho's perspective would be better...) .5/1

Grammar & Punctuation: Maximum: 3 points

• Are there any errors? (I couldn't find any) 1/1
• Do they impede, or disrupt the story? (No) 2/2

Personality: Maximum: 3 points

• Do characters have any sense of personality? (Yes...) 1/1
• Do characters's reactions make sense according to their personality? (You made up new characters for Shiho and Gin, and they don't "fit" too well) .1/1
• Does their personality MAKE SENSE? (If Shiho had romance with Gin...then their attitudes would make sense) 1/1

Plot: Maximum: 5 points

• Does it make sense? (Uh...you could give a flashback on specifics) .5/1
• Does it generate excitement, or otherwise spark interest in the reader? (Interesting...but Gin shouldn't die by trickery...) 1/2
• Is there any order, however unobvious? (If you placed a flashback, my feeling is that it would chop up the smooth order) 2/2

Overall Presentation: Maximum: 6 points

• Does it leave the reader overall satisfied? (Some chicken soup for the soul...soothing) 2/2
• Does it leave the reader wanting more, or leave on a great conclusion? (Hm...this would be better as a conclusion, or the penultimate moment) 1.5/2
• Does it show effort? (Fill in the blank) 2/2