Share Funny Jokes and Amusing Stories!

[Miss Smiles 105]

I also have one about Kogoro's snore. Heiji was at Kogoro's bedroom one night to stay over, woke up to think it's a dream. XD

zzzSSSzzz, the might of flying sound,

zzzSSSzzz, it came from Kogoro's mouth, a snore.

'Who the heck is tattooing?' asked Heiji, astound.

'Oh it's a train of snore for rattling night.' his voice then turn bored.

[A L 217]

LOL ok lemme think.....

Two muffins in an oven: #1: "Man it's hot in here." #2: "A talking Muffin!"

[Samantha 7]

A man goes into a pub ten stories up. He sits down at the bar next to a second man. The second man leans over and whispers "Get the same as what I'm having."

"Why?" says the first man.

"Because if you drink it you'll be able to fly," says the second man.

"That's impossible."

The second man chugs his drink, flies out the window and round the building and sits back down.

"Wow!" the first guy says, orders the same drink as the second man, chugs it, jumps out the window and goes splat.

The barman shakes his head at the second man and says "You can be really mean when you're drunk, Superman."

[Miss Smiles 105]

There's a person running around in circles.

'Stop running around in circles, you're making a hole for doing it!' the second person snapped.

Then the person immediately stopped but couldn't help it when he jumped out as if he try to stop himself running. Before he know it next, the ground giveaway to 'imaginary' hole he already run around in circles.

And it turn out the shoes he was wearing is ice-skate shoe which carved on the wooden floor.

[A L 217]

So I was at school where there was a play in the auditorium they were rehearsing the role of a judge and he said "order order!" And I yelled out burger with fries! People cracked up :Pl

[Officer Kaoko 142]

LOL! Good one, everyone ! That had me laugh !

OK, here's my other joke to share !

[Miss Smiles 105]

I have one.

'Today is creative day, every person get to perform in front of class!' the teacher said.

The first student came forward and started to have a speech.

'I'm going to make a sentences out of selected alphabets from a to k. The first two words are I am. This is a strange sentence...

I am a boy, cute, daring, ecstatic, funny, great, hippy. okay I'm finish saying sentence!'

Everyone in the classroom looked strangely at him when he say 'hippy' as they quickly observe his anatomy but the word he said does not describe it. And one of the students blurt out, 'you haven't finish the rest, I, J, K! What does three all mean?'

'It means, I'm just kidding.'

[Samantha 7]

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.

Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see."

Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."

Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might just also be life."

And Holmes said: "Watson, you dolt, somebody's stolen our tent!"

[Miss Smiles 105]

There is a person who want to make comparison about the response trigger. To do so he has to test out with a fake gun in the crowd with a candid camera. His partner also taking part as well with fake gun. They all went to a place and he accidentally bump into a person, picked up his gun hastity and say sorry to the person he bumped to.

And they randomly found two 'victim' walking closer, they all start to have idea. When they point gun at them, one of them scream. The first person shoot the fake gun to second 'victim' and second victim screamed, but later it turn into surprise.

The first 'victim' screamed again. The gun his partner was holding is a real gun, but when he was about to pull the trigger without unknowing the truth. They all heard a fight start behind them, they turn around to see a woman hit a guy with her hard plastic pencil box. It was the moment they realized the gun second partner accidentally pick up is real gun, because she had a fake dart stuck inside her nostril when they spot it on her face.

[Samantha 7]

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

[Officer Kaoko 142]

*Gives out some points *

Good ones !

I'll post my other ones soon .

[Miss Smiles 105]

I saw a funny quote from David Bissonnette.

'I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.'

[A L 217]

OK. Here's one I thought randomly:

Why are those people working in the poster factory if they are so motivated?

[Samantha 7]

Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

[Rom Yui 16]

LOL, that's funny XD

OK, I have one too...

[Miss Smiles 105]

It based on the movie 'Sherlock Holmes', inspired by container that hold flying insects.

A fly past by, and chopstick is used to hold it which is in Ran's hand.

Another fly past by, Conan came out from nowhere with transparent container over the fly to the ground.

'I did it! All hail to victory of Sherlock's method!'

[Erza Scarlet 104]

A well-known actress joined an international beauty contest. During the question-and-answer portion...

Emcee: "What do you think is the current image or reputation of women in your country?"

Actress (has a sudden mental block): "Ahh... Ahh... I think... Ahh..."

Emcee: "I repeat, what is the current image of women in your country?"

Actress: "Ahh... Ahh..."

Emcee (trying to be helpful): "What do you think, more or less?"

Actress: Ahh...more?

[Rye 122]

A person is murdered at a KID hiest

Nakamori- KID must of killed him! He has finally stepped up to murder! KID is a mur-

Hakuba- I haven't killed anybody! I don't ki- realizes oh, crap.

KID rips off his Hakuba mask and jumps out a window

Nakamori- Who the f-ck was that?

Satou- What do you mean, sir? That was Thief 1412.

Nakamori- That's impossible! I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE! realizes oh, sh-t!

KID rips off his Nakamori mask and jumps out the same window

Aoko- What just happened?

Kaito Kuroba- fully confused I don't know!

[Miss Smiles 105]

lol! Funny.. XD

[A L 217]

A person is murdered at a KID hiest

Nakamori- KID must of killed him! He has finally stepped up to murder! KID is a mur-

Hakuba- I haven't killed anybody! I don't ki- realizes oh, crap.

KID rips off his Hakuba mask and jumps out a window

Nakamori- Who the f-ck was that?

Satou- What do you mean, sir? That was Thief 1412.

Nakamori- That's impossible! I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE! realizes oh, sh-t!

KID rips off his Nakamori mask and jumps out the same window

Aoko- What just happened?

Kaito Kuroba- fully confused I don't know!

*searching memory* *opens folder with F* *Fanfic with something like Things Which should be said but Aren't* I read the same on FF.net :/ it must be you who wrote that fic!

[Rye 122]

*searching memory* *opens folder with F* *Fanfic with something like Things Which should be said but Aren't* I read the same on FF.net :/ it must be you who wrote that fic!

Nope. I don't like to use bad words.

[Miss Smiles 105]

A person cough. 'It sound like thunder'

'What? where?' second person said.

The first person roll her eyes. 'It's my cough, idiot!'

Then story continued...

The first person switched on main switch of electronic computer.

The speaker flared or burst sound like thunder of wind.

The second person look around wildly at sky and thinking:

'thunder!'

'It's my speaker!'

Afterwards story keep rolling:

The main switch switched on again.

This third person come by and jumped by the sound.

He cursed under breath.

First person said: 'you ask me to switch on main switch than

the speaker!'

Third person swear again.

First person said: 'let's have thunder week.'

Later the story move to online:

The first person write nonsense at 'what's in my mind'

with friend fit in giggle over thunder.

There's lightning and thunder being mentioned

and end up describing their frame as earthshaker

because they're laughing hard!

In the end they've been strike hard to death on the floor

feeling all of it over.

[TheGunner 0]

From a magazine I read :

 

- A mental patient went for his checkup the other day. He was always been afraid of chickens since he though he, himself was grain.

Doctor : After all the tests, I don't think you have any other mental problems.

 

Patient : So doctor, who am I?

 

Doctor : You are a human.

 

Patient : Yes! Finally I'm free!!! But have you told the chickens that I'm not grain anymore?

- A doctor is examining his patients in a mental hospital. He saw a patient tying a collar on a slipper and drags it around like a dog.

Doctor :  Is this your dog?

Patient : No, it's a slipper.

 

Doctor : Oh, okay. *walks away*

Patient : *whispers to the slipper* We tricked him don't we Blacky?

 

It those aren't funny, open. . . IF YOU DARE!

[Maltavite 61]

A jokes from Call of Duty MW3

 

Q: What do you call the slow-moving gimp with 3 kills 24 deaths and seemingly hipfiring a Barret .50 cal?

A: The 12 year old "quickscoping" pro on your team who would pwn your face in 1v1, but when the game ends, instead invites you to an Infection lobby. Hooray!