Into The World of DC 3

[hopes 237]

Here's chapter 3! Hope you like it!

“How does he do that?” muttered Conan. “Every time, I swear… He just pops up when you’re talking about him!” I giggled at this comment.

“Oi, Kudo! Were ya talking ‘bout me?” Hattori asked. “Yo, Hakase, Ai-chan.” Then his eyes fell on me.

“Oi, Ku- I mean Conan, who da hell is this?” He demanded.

“Hello. I’m Edogawa Miyuki, Conan-kun’s sister. And, I’m presuming that you are Hattori Heiji, the famous Detective of the West?”

Hattori’s expression was priceless. His jaw hit the floor and I started laughing. Then he turned to Conan.

“Who da hell is she? Ya don’t have a sista!” Hattori demanded again.

“This is Chelsea. She’s from a different world. She was transported here some how. Oh, yeah, don’t bother with trying to not call me Kudo. Chelsea knows everything. About the Organization, me, Haibara, and probably everything about people here.” Conan explained.

“Wai- Wha?! Transported from another world?! What da hell are ya guys talkin’ about?!” Hattori was flipping out now.

“Well, yes. My world is different from yours, but it’s similar. There are murders and crimes as well. And yes, I do know everything. For instance, I know you are Hattori Heiji, you’re known as the Great Detective of the West, who rivals Kudo Shinichi. You’re from Osaka and your father is Hattori Heizo. Your childhood friend is Toyama Kazuha and your girlfriend.” I sniggered as Heiji blushed furiously.

“SHE’S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!” He yelled.

“Sure, sure. Just keep denying it. It makes it even more obvious. Anyway, yes, my real name is Chelsea.” I mock bowed. “However, we came up with the idea that I’ll pose as Edogawa Conan’s sister coming to check up on Conan and live here for a while. My name is Edogawa Miyuki. I’m thirteen and I grew up in America. And that about sums it up. Right?” Agasa, Haibara, and Conan nodded.

Heiji was still in shock. “Wow, when I came ta visit, I never expected for somethin’ like this ta happen.” Then he turned to Conan. “Geez Kudo, ya really do attract trouble don’t ya?”

Conan groaned. “Kami-sama, why do people always say that?” Everyone else snickered.

“Ahem,” Haibara coughed after a moment. “Well, maybe we should finally call Mouri-san now.”

“Yeah, we were about to call right before HATTORI had to come busting in.” Conan glared.

I’m gonna love it here. “So, Hattori-kun, why did you come here in the first place?” I asked.

Hattori shrugged. “I guess it’s ‘cause I haven’t come in a while and I wanted ta check on Kudo.”

“Well, you sure picked one heck of a time to show up.” I commented.

Conan sniggered again, “Yeah, that’s one thing he’s actually good at.”

“Wha da hell is that supposed ta mean?”

Conan was too busy dialing a number on his cell phone to answer. After a couple of rings the phone picked up.

“Hello?” I heard Ran ask.

“Hi, Ran-neechan. It’s Conan. Could you please come to Agasa-hakase’s? There’s something I need to tell you and it will be easier it I show you…”

“Sure, Conan-kun. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

“Ok, see ya then Ran-neechan.”

“Bye.”

Then Conan hung up.

“Nice acting.” I giggled. Conan glared at me.

“I thought you already knew about this stuff!”

“Yeah, I did. But it’s funny seeing it first hand!”

Heiji snickered. “She’s got ya, Kudo.”

“Oh yeah.” I turned to Heiji. “You better not tell anyone.”

Heiji held up his hands in defense. “Of course not, Chelsea! I wouldn’t dream of it!”

I groaned. “Oh great. Are you gonna be calling me Chelsea in public? Call me Miyuki! Especially when Ran and others are around!”

“Excuse me.” Haibara interrupted. “I need to do some research in the basement. Good-bye. It was nice meeting you, Chelsea. I’ll see you later.”

“Same to you Haibara-san. See you.”

After Haibara left, Conan and Heiji started arguing. I listened to them smiling. Agasa just shook his head and watched. A few minutes later, the doorbell rang.

“Coming!” The professor called. He walked towards the door and opened it. Ran was on the other side smiling.

“Hello, Professor. I’m here. Where’s Conan?”

Hm... Well, I hope it was okay. It's a bad cliffhanger, and a lot of chapters are short like this. Sorry! Please tell mew your thoughts! Thanks!

[Kiel95 86]

pretty good ^^ personally tho, i think you need to cut down on the snickering and sudden mood changes... it goes from light hearted to someone glaring too often.... and they get shocked too much... they can't get shocked every time... like, for once, they should analyze the situation calmly, and explain things slsowly... most of us teen writers, and some adult writers, tend to just throw everything we got out there in one blow... we need to lengthen it some (don't worry, i do the same) i hate to put pauses in because i fear i'll forget... but when i go back, i can change it up and add the pauses i previously couldnt...anyways, just a suggestion ^^ can't wait to read more! you ever need help with somethin, don't hesitate to ask, if i got the time, i'll do my best!

[Rye 122]

Chelsea, do you remember shiho14 from fanfiction.net? That's me!

[Bubbles 0]

great story!

keep on writing more!

[tengaku squared 291]

Because you are on my evaluation queue, I have evaluated your story carefully:

Your score is 83%

80% to 91% (Great) - Stories here may have a few errors, but the story's a great read.

Starting Impressions: Maximum: 1 point

• Is it neat? (Yeah...) 1/1

Format: Maximum: 2 points

• Is the format concrete (does the story remain in 1st person, etc.)? If it is not, does the author give warning of a format change? (It remains in script first person...) 1/1
• Does the format make sense for the story? (You know, I'd like this story to be told in first person; your perspective) .5/1

Grammar & Punctuation: Maximum: 3 points

• Are there any errors? (No) 1/1
• Do they impede, or disrupt the story? (An error cannot disrupt a story if it doesn't exist) 2/2

Personality: Maximum: 3 points

• Do characters have any sense of personality? (Hm...yeah) 1/1
• Do characters's reactions make sense according to their personality? (Hattori doesn't call Haibara Ai-chan...in fact I don't think they have met...) .5/1
• Does their personality MAKE SENSE? (Hattori; as reckless as usual...) 1/1

Plot: Maximum: 5 points

• Does it make sense? (Hm...sure) 1/1
• Does it generate excitement, or otherwise spark interest in the reader?(Talk, talk, talk. There isn't much excitement. Its more...mellow) 1.5/2
• Is there any order, however unobvious? (Hattori appears, and messes everything up...) 2/2

Overall Presentation: Maximum: 6 points

• Does it leave the reader overall satisfied? (You know, not really...) 1/2
• Does it leave the reader wanting more, or leave on a great conclusion? (The cliffhanger is weak...as you said already.) 1/2
• Does it show effort? (Your fanfics always show effort) 2/2

[Cindy-Chen 82]

Nice! Can't wait to see what happens!

[OldJustal 36]

Epic !

Hope that Kaito will come up in this story and find out your identity !

Story great so far !

[hopes 237]

Ya know, I posted ALL of this on FanFiction.net... XD

[OldJustal 36]

I don't go to ff ...

So you better post ALL here .