Into the World of Detective Conan 4

[hopes 237]

Well, here's chapter 4! Hope you like it!

Conan inhaled deeply. Heiji grinned. I was so excited I probably could bounce of the walls of the whole room.

“I’m here, Ran-neechan!” Conan yelled. He ran to the door.

“Hi, Conan-kun. So, what is it that you wanted to show me?”

“Come here, please.”

Conan led Ran to where Heiji and I were. Ran looked surprised when she saw Hattori.

“Hattori-kun! What are you doing here?” She asked.

“Oh, I came ta visit da shrimp.” He smirked and roughed Conan’s hair up. Conan looked annoyed and I giggled. Ran heard me and looked my direction. Again, she looked surprised.

“Conan-kun, who is this?”

I stood up from the couch. I was at about Ran’s shoulders. I took a breath and smiled. Here we go, I thought. “Here, let me introduce myself. My name is Edogawa Miyuki. I’m Conan-kun’s older sister.”

Now, Ran was speechless. She blinked for a second and looked from Conan and back to me.

“Conan-kun…? You have a… sister?”

Conan looked up nervously at Ran. “Y-yes… This is Miyuki-neechan. She’s thirteen years old. She’s lived in America with my parents up until now. She wanted to come visit. Miyuki-neechan, this is Mouri Ran-neechan. Ran-neechan’s dad is Mouri Kogoro, the famous detective.”

“I’ve got to say, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you. Conan-kun has talked an awful lot about you. I think he has a crush on you.” I ignored Conan’s death glare. “May I call you Ran? I feel like I’ve known you for a long time.”

“S-sure…” Ran said dazed. “Edogawa-san…”

“Oh no, please call me Miyuki. I’d prefer that. I don’t care much for formalities.”

“Um… sure, Miyuki.”

I glanced over to Hattori. He was trying his hardest not to laugh at Ran’s expression. I looked down at Conan and winked. He looked startled for a moment, but smiled back.

“So, Ran-neechan. Could Miyuki-neechan possibly stay with us? I haven’t seen her in a long time.” Conan pouted.

Ran finally got over being shocked. She smiled at Conan. “Of course. I’m not sure what Dad will think, but… it’ll be okay.”

“Thank you so much, Ran.” I bowed. “I really appreciate it. I think we’re going to be great friends.”

Ran blushed. “Oh, it’s nothing. And you’re right, I feel the same way.”

We smiled at each other for a second. Hattori coughed.

“I’m sorry, but I gotta go. Kazuha’s gonna kill me.”

“Okay. It was nice seeing you Hattori-kun.” Ran said.

“Bye, Heiji-niichan!” Conan said in a childish voice.

“Bye, Heiji-niichan. Oh, wait a second.” I took out my cell phone from my world. It still worked for some reason. “Could I have your number in case of an emergency?”

Hattori nodded, understanding. “Here.” Then I quickly gave him mine just in case. “Okay, see ya!”

Hattori left. Agasa walked into the room.

“So, what are your plans?” He asked.

“Miyuki-neechan is gonna come stay with us!” Conan feigned happiness.

Agasa smiled and nodded. Then he checked his watch. “Well, it’s seven thirty PM. You might want to be getting home.”

Ran and I nodded.

“Okay then, let’s go!” I said happily. Ran smiled.

“Conan-kun! Come on!” She called. Conan waved bye to Agasa. We walked to the door.

“Oh wait! Hold on a second! I have to get my stuff!” I called. “I’ll catch up! Go ahead!” Ran nodded and they left the house.

“Professor,” I whispered urgently. “I don’t have any luggage!”

Agasa thought for a second. Well-”

All of a sudden, a suitcase appeared in front of us. Agasa and I stared for a second. I bent down and opened suitcase. It was filled with my favorite clothes and toothbrush.

“This is very strange,” Agasa muttered. Then he looked at me.

“You better catch up to Ran-kun and Shinichi. Don’t worry,” He added when I was about to protest. “Ai-kun and I will investigate the reason you were transported here.”

I nodded. “Okay, but let me have your number, just in case.” We quickly exchanged phone numbers. “Bye!” I called to Agasa and waved carrying my luggage. I ran out the door and quickly shut it.

When I exited, I saw Ran and the shrunken form of Kudo Shinichi holding hands. I snickered. Aw, I thought. They look so cute.

I started to walk to them. They were on the next street ahead. I started to run to catch up to them. I was about to cross the street and call out to them. All of a sudden, I froze. No way! I screamed in my head. Not them!

I stopped and held my breath. There were two men smoking cigarettes. They were leaning on a black Porsche. A 356A, to be exact.

Was this an okay cliffhanger? I hope so! Well, thanks for everyone's comments on the previous chapters! I'll post the next chapter soon! See ya then!

[tengaku squared 291]

Oh boy! Gin and Vodka!

By the way, maybe you can add a part of you learning Japanese in DC, while Conan tries to help you with his heavily accented English.

After all, I don't think you know Japanese, and Ran doesn't speak much English.

I recently evaluated this chapter; here are your results:

You got a 93%.

92% to 99% (Fantastic) - Stories like these only need tinkering; everything else is top-notch.

Starting Impressions: Maximum: 1 point

• Is it neat? (Yeah, enough) .9/1

Format: Maximum: 2 points

• Is the format concrete (does the story remain in 1st person, etc.)? If it is not, does the author give warning of a format change? (It stays, it sticks) 1/1
• Does the format make sense for the story? (Yeah) 1/1

Grammar & Punctuation: Maximum: 3 points

• Are there any errors? (None that I see) 1/1
• Do they impede, or disrupt the story? (How can an error disrupt if it doesn't exist? ) 1/1

Personality: Maximum: 3 points

• Do characters have any sense of personality? (Ran is polite as usual...but Heiji should be more bash. Call Conan Kudo again, you know.) .8/1
• Do characters's reactions make sense according to their personality? (Mmm...yeah.) 1/1
• Does their personality MAKE SENSE? (You could show Conan blushing while holding hands...) .8/1

Plot: Maximum: 5 points

• Does it make sense? (Why is Gin here?) 1/1
• Does it generate excitement, or otherwise spark interest in the reader? (Well, the action is slow.) 1.5/2
• Is there any order, however unobvious? (You take yourself to Ran's house? Uh...) 1.5/2

Overall Presentation: Maximum: 6 points

• Does it leave the reader overall satisfied? (Sure.) 2/2
• Does it leave the reader wanting more, or leave on a great conclusion? (The cliffhanger is pretty great...) 2/2
• Does it show effort? (Yep!) 2/2

Total: 20 points.

[Cindy-Chen 82]

Yay! Black Organization's Gin and Vodka.

Go Gin! (Just kidding

[OldJustal 36]

ShinRan !!!!!!!!!

Nooo

I wanted it to be ShinShi