RoseMarie 0 Report post Posted January 29, 2011 Authors’ Note: Thank you for sticking with us through our long delays, dear readers. In an effort not to leave you waiting even longer, we bring you the first half of chapter 5. The remainder is under way but is still awaiting revisions that real life has kept us from making. As soon as they are complete we will repost this chapter in its entirety. As a special thank you and treat to our readers, we have included a short Omake at the end which we hope will amuse you. Virtual chocolates to anyone who recognizes it, and no, we don’t own that either. Chapter 5a: The Tale Shinichi blinked rapidly as the light faded, trying to restore his vision. Damn it, KID! What did you…do? His thoughts trailed off in shock as he realized that not only was he not holding the Tear anymore, he was looking down at Conan, whose hand he gripped in his own white gloved hand. What the…?! No way! This is impossible! Before he could reboot his mind enough to deal with the impossibility he was facing, Conan reversed the grip, yanking firmly on his hand as he hurried away from the broken display and the sounds of the Task Force hurrying back towards them. “Process later, Tantei-kun. Run now!” Is that KID? It must be. Shinichi found himself hurrying after “Conan” to avoid being dragged as his mind still tried to comprehend what was happening. Oh Kami, if this really is what it looks like, he’s right. If the Task Force sees me like this it won’t be him they arrest, it’ll be me. KID opened the stairwell door, motioning Shinichi to silence as he listened to the approaching voices. “What was that crash?” “Don’t know, but it sounded like it came from back at the display. We’d best hurry and check it out. Radio in to Nakamori-keibu and let him know.” “Right.” Why, oh why, did I have to go and break the display case? Shinichi thought, dread twisting his gut. No one would ever believe his story and he did not have KID’s skills at vanishing. Just as Shinichi was about to ask if KID had any bright ideas, he felt fingers pluck one of the cufflinks off his wrist and a voice say, “Hold your breath.” A quick flick of KID’s fingers and the cufflink went sailing down the stairwell, pink smoke billowing up from where it struck. Even before it landed, KID was in motion again, tugging Shinichi down the stairs in the wake of the cufflink. Shinichi, no longer used to being tall, found himself tripping and stumbling as he attempted to make strides with legs that weren’t the proper size. The railing was quickly becoming his new best friend, saving him several times from taking a header down the stairs. It was hard to judge whether the thief was having any of the same difficulties. KID’s face gave nothing away and he moved with a deliberate grace down steps and around unconscious officers. They stopped on the 4th floor landing for a few seconds as KID picked the lock on the door. Shinichi got the distinct impression that this would have been achieved even faster had KID been in his proper form. 00000 Kaito quickly closed and relocked the door as soon as they were both safely in the storage area. For just a moment he allowed himself to slump forward, forehead resting against the door as the enormity of what had just happened finally hit him. Holy cow, there really are magical gems! How am I going to explain this? What am I going to do? Oh, Kami, Tantei-kun will see my face! OK, pull yourself together, Kaito. Remember Poker Face. He straightened up, turning from the door to face the detective. As it turned out, there was no need for him to have worried about Shinichi noticing his momentary lapse. The detective was slumped against a crate, muttering under his breath. “This isn’t happening…this isn’t possible…going to do…” “Snap out of it, Tantei-kun! This can’t be any more impossible than you somehow shrinking from seventeen to seven.” His response was a heated glare. “Are you trying to tell me you’re not freaking out about this? That somehow you’re used to this?” KID shrugged one shoulder slightly. “Hey, when you’re hunting magical gems you have to expect things like this.” NOT! What am I going to do?? Shinichi shook his head, frustration evident on his face. “I don’t believe in magic. There has to be some rational explanation for this. A gemstone cannot make people switch bodies.” “Whatever you say, Tantei-kun, but we can’t stay like this so put your deductive skills to good use. What could have caused this?” KID watched Shinichi struggle through his fear and frustration, the emotional battle evident on his face as he wrestled with the conflict between his disbelief and the only facts available to them. At last he sighed, shoulders slumping in defeat. “I don’t understand how it’s possible. A gemstone should not be able to do this, but you’re right. We can’t stay like this and I can’t come up with any other explanation.” His gaze fell on the Traveler’s Tear, once again held in KID’s small hands. In the little bit of light present, the stone looked much the same as it had when he had seen it in its case before the heist. KID was also gazing at the gem. It’s purple again…”Hey, Tantei-kun? Did you happen to notice that the color was different right before you grabbed it?” Shinichi paused, an arrested look on his face. “Is that why you hesitated? I just assumed it was the lighting, but maybe…” He trailed off and KID understood that he was once again struggling with the concept of real magic. KID nodded thoughtfully, “The stone did land in front of the windows. Perhaps it was an effect of the moonlight?” It just would be moonlight, wouldn’t it? And it’s not even Pandora because it didn’t glow red and I don’t think anybody would count this as immortality. Predictably, Shinichi took this the wrong way, accepting the color change as merely an illusion from the moonlight. “So what could have caused this? We did both grab the gem, perhaps if we attempted that again?” Can’t hurt, anyway. No point in dashing his hopes without even attempting it. I’d bet my monocle that the color change and the moonlight had something to do with it, though. Out loud he said, “Sure. Why not?” He held his hand out, gem resting on his palm in invitation. Shinichi reached out as well, fingers resting lightly atop the gem. Nothing happened. Further discussion was interrupted by the sounds of thundering footsteps, Task Force officers rushing to the aid of their fallen comrades. KID threw a wary look at the locked door. “We don’t have a lot of time before they think to check here. We’d best get going.” Shinichi winced, obviously thinking of how this would look to outsiders, and nodded an affirmative. Then he froze, a horrified look flashing across his face. “What about the cameras? It’ll look like I’m helping you.” KID snorted and threw Shinichi an offended look. “Give me some credit, Tantei-kun. It’s not like I wanted my trick caught on camera. I disabled them before the heist. We’re both in the clear there.” A self-satisfied look appeared on his face. “Bet they’re having a heck of a time getting the system back on-line.” Shinichi seemed to accept this and he nodded again. “OK, let’s get out of here. This way.” KID led the way to the ventilation system he had scoped out a few days before. “I won’t be able to reach like this, Tantei-kun. You’ll have to climb up first, then pull me up. I already loosened the cover.” “Where will this take us?” “We’ll exit from another shaft outside the museum, near one of the rear “legs”. It’s pretty hidden from sight and we should be able to disappear into the crowd from there.” Here he paused, eyeing Shinichi critically. “Of course, you won’t be able to disappear anywhere wearing my suit. Take off the jacket, hat, and monocle and put these on.” As he spoke, KID pulled out a small box that had been placed behind some of the larger storage crates and handed Shinichi the ball cap and Edo-Tokyo souvenir sweatshirt contained within. Shinichi, spurred on by the noise of the Task Force as it moved closer to their location, changed rapidly and in minutes they were up in the vents, KID pausing to replace the cover. Unbeknownst to each other, the same thought was running through their minds. I really hope we can switch back once we’re outside because there is no way I am letting him out of my sight with my body. 00000 Shinichi wished for the hundredth time since entering the air vents that he had a tenth of KID’s stealth. The thief crawled along behind him, giving the occasional whispered direction and otherwise making no noise. For himself, Shinichi felt as though he was making enough noise to bring every cop in the place down on them and he cringed with every shuffle and clang he made, real or imagined. The stupid cap was not helping, brim obscuring his vision if he did not keep his head tilted to the proper angle. Finally an exasperated whisper reached his ears, “If it’s giving you that much trouble just turn it around like your friend Hattori.” Shinichi felt the heat rush to his face at the obvious suggestion and was glad KID was behind him so he couldn’t see the blush. At length KID whispered, “This is it,” and they paused before another vent. KID pressed forward to peer through the vent before giving the all clear. Shinichi carefully moved the cover, peering out of the opening. Task Force officers patrolled the perimeter of the building and he could see the crowd of yelling KID fans some thirty feet away, pressed against the police perimeter. “Now what?” he whispered to KID. He peered down towards the ground. This vent was pretty high up and he didn’t see an obvious way to get down. In answer, KID reached up, just above the opening and pulled down a thin line with a hook attached to the end. This was swiftly fastened around Shinichi’s waist. “This will lower you pretty steadily but you can rappel a little if you need to. Stay in the shadows and don’t move too quickly, it draws attention.” Shinichi nodded and did as KID instructed. Well, Shinich thought sardonically, if nothing else comes of this situation, at least I have a better idea of the kind of preparation he does for his heists. To his surprise, KID reached out and grabbed the line once Shinichi was partly down, simply holding on as the line lowered, then dropping to the ground himself after Shinichi touched down. “Time for the KID to make his escape,” KID said and Shinichi turned to stare incredulously at him. What? He can’t be serious. Before he could say anything, KID held up a remote control and pressed a button. For a moment, nothing seemed to happen, then the crowd went wild, chanting KID’s name. Of course, he must have sent off one of his dummies. “That’s our cue, Tantei-kun. Turn the hat back around and let’s go.” Shinichi yanked the brim back over his eyes as he and KID made a break for the crowd while everyone’s attention was directed towards the dummy. In moments they were just two more faces in the crowd. At last the crowd began to break up and they worked their way through the mass of people until they stood on the fringes, backed up against a building to prevent the crowd from drawing them along with it. “Now what?” Shinichi questioned, so softly that KID had to strain to hear him over the din of the departing crowd. “You know Yokoami-cho Park, a few blocks from here?” “Yeah, I know it.” “Let’s head there. We can figure out our next move.” Shinichi nodded his agreement and the two of them plunged back into the crowd. By unspoken accord they stayed as close together as possible, neither trusting the other enough to risk being separated. It didn’t take them long to reach the park. They settled themselves carefully under a tree. Well, Shinichi was under the tree. KID, with his usual penchant for heights, had somehow managed to wedge himself into the fork of the tree. Shinichi leaned back against the trunk, feeling some of the tension drain out of his current body now that they were in a place of relative safety. KID leaned down from his current perch. “Shall we try this again, Tantei-kun?” He extended an empty hand to Shinichi but before Shinichi could do more than raise an eyebrow a flick of KID’s wrist caused the Tear to appear in his palm. Show off, Shinichi thought, surprising himself with how bitter he sounded even in his own head. Am I really that annoyed by how calmly he seems to be taking all of this? He let none of these thoughts show on his face though, merely nodding his head in response to KID’s question. “What did you have in mind?” 00000 KID moved his hand so the gem lay fully in the moonlight. “I thought we’d try to recreate the circumstances under which we switched, now that we have some moonlight to work with.” The gem in his palm stayed stubbornly purple and KID’s heart sank. I was afraid of this. I know it was blue. Damn it! The first magical gem I’ve come across and it’s not even close to being Pandora. Shinichi was eyeing the stone skeptically. “Back at the museum you said it was blue before I grabbed it? It looks the same to me now as it did before. It must have been a trick of the light.” KID shook his head. “Tantei-kun, Tantei-kun. Didn’t we already have this conversation? It’s magic. Believe me, I know exactly what I saw and that gem was the same blue as the light when we switched.” Shinichi looked uncomfortable with this idea and KID knew that his oh so logical mind was still balking at the thought of magic being real. After a moment of silence the detective shot a frustrated look up into the branches of the tree saying, “Look, let’s just try again, okay?” “Alright, you grabbed it first, then I grabbed you. I think our wrists were touching.” He closed his now small hand over the gem and waited for Shinichi to reach for him. After a moments hesitation the detective did so, larger hand engulfing KID’s and the gem. Nothing happened. “Okay, we want to reverse the switch, so maybe we need to touch it in reverse order?” KID relinquished the gem to Shinichi, then laid his hand atop the other’s. Nothing happened. After several more failed attempts, they found themselves staring at each other in frustration and not a little trepidation. “Now what?” OMAKE KID threw a wary look at the locked door. “We don’t have a lot of time before they think to check here. We’d best get going.” Shinichi winced, obviously thinking of how this would look to outsiders, and nodded an affirmative. Then he froze, a horrified look flashing across his face. “What about the cameras? It’ll look like I’m helping you.” KID snorted and threw Shinichi an offended look. “Give me some credit, Tantei-kun. It’s not like I wanted my trick caught on camera. I disabled them before the heist. We’re both in the clear there.” A self-satisfied look appeared on his face. “Bet they’re having a heck of a time getting the system back on-line.” Meanwhile, in the control room… A miniature bobble-head KID stared out of the computer monitors at the officers in the room. The small index fingered waved back and forth in a scolding manner and his voice issued from the speakers. “Uh-uh-uh, you didn’t say the magic word. Uh-uh-uh, you didn’t say the magic word.” Nakamori slammed both fists down on the desk. “Oh, come on! Damn it, KID! I’m going to kill that *&!@$# theif!” For those of you who are just now joining us here are the links to chapter 1-4. Thanks For reading please review and thank you to eveyone who has so far. YTYaM Chapter One YTYaM Chapter Two YTYaM Chapter 3 YTYaM Chapter 4 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tengaku squared 291 Report post Posted January 29, 2011 (edited) Hello. This is xXLeration. First of all, I believe the omake is a reference to Jurassic Park (the first one). Second of all, I have evaluated your chapter... Your score is 93%. 92% to 99% (Fantastic) - Stories like these only need tinkering; everything else is top-notch. Open spoiler for details. Starting Impressions: Maximum: 1 point Is it neat? (Yes. Pretty neat.) 1/1Format: Maximum: 2 points Is the format concrete (does the story remain in 1st person, etc.)? If it is not, does the author give warning of a format change? (Meh...it more or less remains in third person) 1/1 Does the format make sense for the story? (Nah...for a story with an escape, I'd prefer 1st person. But hey, its your story.) .5/1 Grammar & Punctuation: Maximum: 3 points Are there any errors? (I have found some small errors...) .9/10 Do they impede, or disrupt the story? (Nope. Not in the slightest) 2/2 Personality: Maximum: 3 points Do characters have any sense of personality? (Kaito's and Kudo's personalities are well portrayed...) 1/1 Do characters's reactions make sense according to their personality? (Kudo is not one that is fearful...though in a situation like that I can't blame him ) .8/1 Does their personality MAKE SENSE? (Kudo's stubborn mind is quite well portrayed...) 1/1 Plot: Maximum: 5 points Does it make sense? (Once you throw a magical jewel and body swapping, nothing makes sense ) .5/1 Does it generate excitement, or otherwise spark interest in the reader? (The escape could be better...but only needs some brush-up) 1.8/2 Is there any order, however unobvious? (Well, the order is visible...) 2/2 Overall Presentation: Maximum: 6 points Does it leave the reader overall satisfied? (I'm satisfied...) 2/2 Does it leave the reader wanting more, or leave on a great conclusion? (The ending is nice.) 2/2 Does it show effort? (OF COURSE!) 2/2 Edited January 29, 2011 by xXLeration Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kiel95 86 Report post Posted January 29, 2011 ya ok... i'm not gonna critique it like that ^^ it's great.. but... i'm starting to lose interest.... i've never been a huge fan of this sort of thing... it just sort of bugs me... and i don't think the concept of real magic exist in the conan world, though it does in the kaito world.... i dunno... i't losing interest... have haibara help them out... (make it shinshi XD well if you can) and i'd def keep readin.... it doesn't have to be shinshi, but if you add haibara that'd be enough... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tengaku squared 291 Report post Posted January 29, 2011 ya ok... i'm not gonna critique it like that ^^ it's great.. but... i'm starting to lose interest.... i've never been a huge fan of this sort of thing... it just sort of bugs me... and i don't think the concept of real magic exist in the conan world, though it does in the kaito world.... i dunno... i't losing interest... have haibara help them out... (make it shinshi XD well if you can) and i'd def keep readin.... it doesn't have to be shinshi, but if you add haibara that'd be enough... Are you saying my way of critizing is bad? Well, overall I have to agree with Kiel, but I'm not losing interest at all. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kiel95 86 Report post Posted January 30, 2011 Are you saying my way of critizing is bad? Well, overall I have to agree with Kiel, but I'm not losing interest at all. no, not at all, i'm just too lazy to do something so complex, time consuming... and well... correctly XD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tengaku squared 291 Report post Posted January 30, 2011 no, not at all, i'm just too lazy to do something so complex, time consuming... and well... correctly XD I can waste time because I have no life... Evaluating is one of the few things I can do right... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kiel95 86 Report post Posted January 30, 2011 I can waste time because I have no life... Evaluating is one of the few things I can do right... then that's good ^^ you've found something you can do! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IdentityUnknown 216 Report post Posted March 26, 2011 I can waste time because I have no life... Evaluating is one of the few things I can do right... Wow...it rhymes... Personally, I'd rather put my stories onto Fanfiction.net. I might consider putting them here, but then again, I might not. If anybody has any doubts on the story in question, it's Taken by tonsostuff. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cindy-Chen 82 Report post Posted October 29, 2011 YAY!!! A Kid heist! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cindy-Chen 82 Report post Posted October 29, 2011 YAY!!! A Kid heist! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites